`` n . u . r . u . s . h . h

blog dah berhabuk.

2011-11-04T01:00:00.002+02:00

Bismillah..
Gomen! Lamanya tak blog!!!
I miss blogging.
But very lazy ti type.
Too many stories to share.
3ala kulli haal.
Im back in Alexandria!
As a year three student.
Alhamdulillah.
Living well so far.
Erm. Not sure what to say.
But something happened in oct 2011.
My tragedy oktober.
I shall remember tt
forever i guess.
Cuma mengharap yg terbaik.
God knows!

alhamdulillaaah :)

2011-09-07T09:09:00.002+02:00

alhamdulillahh.. alhamdulillahh.. alhamdulillahh..
kak ulfah texted me yesterday. informed me tt i passed my exams!
alhamdulillaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! i passssed!!!
syukuuuuurrr sangatttt!!!!! xD
najaaah sofiy taqdir jayyid again!
and alhamdulillah i improved.. from 67% to 72%
alhamdulillllaaaah!!!!

aku tahu usaha aku tak seberapa.
aku tahu usaha aku ciput je.
aku tahu doa aku tak seberape.
aku tahu doa aku ciput je.
tp sebab doa doa dari sahabat semua.. family!
alhamdulillaaaaah,, i managedd.

YEAR 3 insyaAllaaaaaah :))

to all my family and friends..
thank you soooo much for the continuous support and doa,
alhamdulillaaaah :))
Allah bless you all!

Saya Tahu Saya Tak Cantik.

2011-09-05T11:22:00.001+02:00

KECANTIKAN : DI MANA NILAINYA?

Manusia sememangnya hidupan yang pelik, istilah kecantikan didefinasikan kepada pelbagai. Kalau di Iran, wanitanya begitu obses dengan hidung yang dibedah, atau di Mauritania di mana wanita gemuk dianggap seksi dan mengghairahkan. Bagaimana dengan masyarakat kita sendiri pula?

Tidak perlu mempunyai hidung yang mancung seperti paruh seludang, atau wajah yang sesempurna Aishwarya Rai. Cukup dengan berpakaian tapi seolah-olah "bertelanjang" dan mengenakan kain ela yang pelbagai untuk menutupi kepala, itu cantik namanya.

Minta maaf bukan hendak memperlekehkan kecantikan plastik wanita, itu realiti yang telah lama bertapak dalam mentaliti masyarakat kita. Tipikal? Tiada siapa yang boleh menafikannya.

Pada saya kecantikan ialah bagaimana mata mereka yang memandang itu mentafsirnya. Lebih tepat, pandangan orang lain terhadap fizikal kita. Betul! Dan saya pernah membuat eksperimen sendiri dengan mengajak adik-adik lelaki saya untuk memilih artis wanita yang mereka rasakan tercantik.

Hasilnya seperti diduga, setiap daripada mereka memilih artis wanita yang berlainan. Bila saya tanya kenapa pilihan masing-masing yang terbaik, semua sibuk memberikan seribu satu alasan yang tidak boleh diterima oleh akal saya.

Lihat! Bukankah itu bukti yang nyata bahawa kecantikan itu terlalu besar skopnya untuk diperjelaskan kepada umum? Apa yang cantik di mata saya atau anda, tidak semestinya akan cantik pada pandangan orang lain juga.

Persoalannya, adakah apa yang kita ada sekarang ini bukan yang terbaik? Adakah Allah itu zalim dan pilih bulu dengan memberi sesetengah daripada kita wajah yang cantik manakala setengah lagi fizikal yang tidak sempurna?

Bukankah Allah itu Maha Adil? Bukankah Allah itu Maha Mengetahui? Bukankah Allah itu Maha Bijaksana? Jika begitu mengapa ada sesetengah daripada kita masih meratapi kekurangan yang ada pada diri masing-masing?

SAYA TAHU SAYA TAK CANTIK

Saya tahu saya tidak cantik.. Tapi, walaupun saya tidak cantik, saya tetap ada kelebihan..

Kerana saya tidak cantik, saya tidak jadi mangsa gangguan lelaki-lelaki yang rosak akhlaknya.

Kerana saya tidak cantik, saya dapat pelihara diri saya daripada pandangan bernafsu lelaki yang tidak menjaga pandangannya.

Kerana saya tidak cantik, saya selamat daripada menjadi senjata iblis mencairkan iman lelaki.

Kerana saya tidak cantik, saya tidak mendapat fitnah dan cemburu daripada wanita-wanita lain.

Kerana saya tidak cantik, saya tidak mengharapkan pujian daripada mana-mana lelaki dan wanita.

Dan kerana saya tidak cantik, akhirnya saya menemui insan yang ikhlas mencintai saya seadanya.

Kerana saya tahu.. Saya tidak cantik pada pandangan manusia.. Maka saya akan berusaha agar kelihatan cantik pada ALLAH.. Kerana bukan kecantikan dunia yang saya kejar... Tapi KECANTIKAN di akhirat kelak..

ANGGUN DI MATA ALLAH : SEBUAH KECANTIKAN SEJATI

Kecantikan terdiri dari 2 jenis; kecantikan lahir dan kecantikan batin.

Kecantikan batin (inner beauty) adalah kecantikan yang dicari kerana essensinya, seperti kecantikan ilmu, akal fikiran, dan kesucian diri. Kecantikan batin inilah yang merupakan titik pandang Allah pada diri hamba-hamba-Nya.

Sebagaimana yang disebutkan dalam sebuah hadis:

"Sesungguhnya Allah tidak melihat pada rupa dan postur tubuh kalian. Akan tetapi, Allah melihat pada hati kalian." (HR. Muslim).

Sebenarnya kita semua adalah makhluk ciptaan-Nya yang paling sempurna dan cantik di muka bumi ini. Allah telah menentukan sesuatu sifat dalam diri kita adalah yang terbaik. Hanya mata kita sahaja yang diselaputi dengan nafsu yang tidak dapat melihat kebaikan yang ada pada sesuatu kejadian.

Mengapa sukar bagi kita untuk redha kepada kejadian Allah? Bukankah periuk orang lain sentiasa putih daripada apa yang kita ada? Kita sentiasa melihat apa yang ada pada orang lain itu jauh lebih baik daripada apa yang kita miliki.

Sedangkan nabi Muhammad S.A.W sendiri telah menasihatkan kita agar melihat orang yang kurang bernasib baik. Jangan melihat orang yang lebih bertuah kerana itu akan membuatkan kita tidak bersyukur. Dan itulah masalahnya pada diri kita. Kita sentiasa mengejar yang sempurna dalam kehidupan seharian. Sentiasa mahukan yang lebih bagus daripada orang lain.

Kita ada biduk, tetapi dalam masa yang sama berkehendakkan serempu pula. Tidak terkecuali dengan saya. Siapa yang tidak suka mendengar pujian melangit kerana cantik, bukan?

Ketika zaman bersekolah, semuanya kena bersaing atau sekurang-kurangnya sama dengan kawan-kawan. Pakai baju ketat, seluar sendat, dari tudung sehinggalah kepada kasut, kalau boleh semua mengikut peredaran fesyen. Pendek kata melaram berlebihttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifhan. Cuba bayangkan betapa banyak dosa yang terpaksa saya tanggung semata-mata untuk kelihatan trendy seperti itu? Syukurlah kesedaran datang sebelum lebih banyak dosa terkumpul.

Sekarang ini nak pergi mana pun, satu yang sentiasa perlu tanamkan dalam kepala adalah "bersederhana dalam berfesyen". Cukup dengan hanya menempel "wudhu'" di wajah, bertudung dan tidak memakai pakaian ketat yang menonjolkan bentuk badan.

Untuk itu, mari kita belajarlah untuk berkata Alhamdulillah dengan apa yang ada pada diri kita. Sedarlah, kecantikan bukan terletak pada secantik mana fizikal kita dilihat oleh mata orang lain, atau 'setrendy' mana pakaian yang telah membaluti tubuh masing-masing. Tetapi secantik mana kita di mata Allah.

- Artikel iluvislam.com

Happy Hari Raya!

2011-09-05T11:10:00.002+02:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI
MAAF ZAHIR BATIN, PEEEEPOLL!

yearp, hari raya in Singapore.
wit family members, love ones!

but unlike last years..
happy and excited xD
this year's a bit down.
becox...
i was just so busy thinking,
risau-ingg about results :((
results arent out yet :((

but year three' alhamdulillah.
and alhamdulillah all of 'em passed!
alhamdulillah.. alhamdulillah.. alhamdulillah.
happy for them all xD

dan saya mengharapkan yang terbaik juga,
buat saya dan teman2 lain.
insyaAllah. doakan kay!
Allah kasi chance doa bebanyak lagii xD

ameeen, ameeen, ameeen.

hello Singapore!!

2011-07-30T21:30:00.001+02:00

Alhamdulillah. Last friday- i safely reached my hometown- Bedok on my own!!
I repeat.. ON MY OWN. Cool kappa?? Huhhu. Alhamdulillah. Finally, it worked as planned. Alhamdulillah xD
I white-lied my family esp ma saying that im coming bck on the 24th.
But actually its on the 21st.
Luckily etisalat sided me hoho. Coz coincidentally- my data plan expired.
So i have an excuse to 'escape' from contacting ma. Heh. Best pe!
So erm.. Shopped a bit at cairo terlanjur bayar duit ticket dengan ustad Saudi. Just few stuffs like madu, and hussein's. A million thanks to kakchik and her friend- fahmi. Barakallahu feeko!

Enough of that, dah selamat sampai pon. Oh yeah! I had fun travelling with mai! The 'runnings' will remain as memories. Good ones ;))

Anw, just had gatherings at atok's. Great time ;)) alhamdulillah. Not much complaints abt my babats. Thank God. Alhamdulillah. Siket je tertouched. I wasnt hurt afterall :)) alhamdulillah.

They discussed a bit on kak cha/ abg khair's wedding. So yeap! Suddenly i feel like going back. A week pon jadi. Heh!
I dunt feel like wanting to miss it. Only if im rich enough. And money doesnt seem to be the matter.
We'll see when the time comes aite. Huhhu!

Ramadhan in a day timee!!!!!! MasyaAllah. Cant wait for Ramadhan. Eventhough i never get to celeb Ramadhan in Egypt- which is on a better suasana.
Im grateful enough that Allah gave me the chance to celebrate here with my family ;)) and insyaAllah will get the chance to be atok's makmum ;)) alhamdulillah.
Ramadhan Kareem people!! Allahu Akram!! (bikatheeeeer).

P.s: results for yr 1+3 lughah in Cairo are out! Im scared!! Like maisarah said- tawakkal mesti tinggi! Doanye sebanyaknye. InsyaAllah.
I really hope.. InsyaAllah.
Pray for me people! Allah bless. xoxo!

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announcement

2011-06-25T21:02:00.002+02:00

wah wah. my blogg soo berhabuk already!!
chett. becox i was too lazy to update la.
even on mobile. pemalas besar. dah kenapa??!!

okay! back to the title;
i have an announcement to make-
I'LL BE BACK IN SINGAPORE THIS JULYY!!

hmmm. nothing to be proud of.

pray for me peepol! still in the exam weeks.
1,2,3,4,5 more papers to go!!
ganbatte to myself!!!

bye for now. Allah bless us all.
xoxo.

e.m.o

2011-06-12T01:12:00.003+02:00

i'm not so sure why am i being so emo tonight.
but that's the fact. and ive just finished watching-
''my sister's keeper''- a sad story of cox.
so the emo-ness doubled. plus im all alone at home.
all my housemates sleeping over their friends house.
hahha!

i'm feeling super down tonight.
feel like giving up. just cant stand the pressure.
the clock os ticking so fast.
and im here. catching up reading, understanding,
and making notes at the same time.
cox i know i dont have the time to do it step by step.
im running out of time.
i'm so scared. with this little effort.
aaargh! super scareddd!

have you ever wondered?
what if Allah stops the time. for a moment.
will something bad happen? or will it be good?
just cant imagine. nauzubillaah.

hope for the best.
prayers needed.
and may Allah gives me extra strenght to overcome this.

jia you to me. jia you to you, and to all!
Rabuna Yusahhil, insyAllah ameen.

'' YA Allah. ku mengharap dengan sangat ''

message in a bottle

2011-06-09T23:25:00.002+02:00

" Warkah buat anak

Khas buat anakanda tercinta..
Nurushshahidah Sabran

Semoga di dalam rahmat dan perlindungan Allah sentiasa..

Kami semua di dalam keadaan sihat sejahtera walhamdulillah..

Tujuan bonda menulis ini untuk memberi anakanda semangat untuk meneruskan perjuangan.. walaupun keadaan agak getir dan mendebarkan,, tapi bonda yakin bahawa anakanda adalah insan yang tabah dan kuat untuk menghadapi ujian.. mentelah lagi ujian peperiksaan yang kurang jerihnya kalau dibandingkan dengan ujian ujian hidup yang lainnya..

Walaubagaimanapun.. ujian tetap ujian.. dilalui dengan penuh debaran dan du'a.. agar semuanya berjalan dengan lancar dan mudah..

Janganlah anakanda risau.. kami di sini akan senantiasa mendoakan anakanda di sana.. insyaallah.. redha Allah pada redha kedua ibubapa.. kami redha dengan perjuangan anakanda ini.. dan kami iringi dengan doa restu agar anakanda akan berjaya di dunia dan akhirat..

Akhir kata.. dari ayahanda,, bonda,, ninda,,dan adinda adindamu semuanya kami mendu'akan kejayaanmu..

Wassalam.. "

p.s: i just love my mother, so much!

updates

2011-06-09T21:11:00.002+02:00

hahah! i know 'updates' seems to be the only topic nowadays.
because i never blog. long time meh, never blog.
its not that internet is down or what.
its just that i have no mood to blog. hahha!
luckily im not an e-novelist or something.
cox once no mood no entry, no post, nothing.
people will definitely [X] my blog. hahha!

anw. im so stucked with 'mujhse dosti karoge'
ive been playing this hindi film over and over again.
without getting bored of cox!
one thing that i super like the plot is that-
they (Raj and Pooja) has been liking each other since forever.
emails is the only thing that keep them in touch.
and they have been falling for each other without seeing each other's faces.
what im trying to say is that- true love starts from the heart.
you see people from the heart. and get to know the heart.
and looks come second. becox ''apa yang ada di hati akan terpancar di muka''.
i know i sounded so macam paham. haha!
and i wish to have that kind of relationship.
i want my partner to see me for who i am. my heart.
and not for what i am. my looks.
further more, i am nobody compared to those beauties out there.

and yeah. ive been living in my own world now.
with my hindi songs. films. laptop. e-novels and kuliah books.
and im so not sure what's gotten into me, that i dont wish to talk to anybody.
i mean those living under one roof with me.
and of cox its not Simba that is the main problem here.
about Simba- of cox i have to accept the reality.
which is to send him back to his habitat.
to little Simba, you take care buddy! i'll remember you always. mwah!
and its just that i dont feel that im being appreciated, that's all.
i have sacrificed my dreams to have Simba. for YOU especially.
and this is how you treat me. okkeh, a big THANK YOU.

lets drop this subject.
nothing interesting about it. makes my heart pain. what for!

oiii!! exam in 9 days la!! alhamdulillah. syafawi went out well.
left with 10 papers. 10 subjects. adoooyai!!
Ya ALlah. grant me super strength, patience and consistency okkeh.
i just need them so much now.

JIA YOU NURUSH!! YOU CAN DO IT!
EVERYONE IS PUTTING SO MUCH HOPES ON YOU.
DONT DISAPPOINT THEM OKKEH!
PROVE TO THEM ALL.
YOU ARE STRONG BEBEH! YOU CAN DO IT.
ALLAH IS WITH YOU! YOU KNOW THAT. BE GLAD! :)

updates

2011-05-14T21:30:00.002+02:00

hello! slack slack slack!
exam is super near. and im slacking!
tsk tsk tsk. rabaak!

wah wah. so long never update blog.
why eh? M-A-L-A-S lah of cox!
no other reason. hahha!

eh btw. im still living in this fungi house!
haha! tak jadi pindah. i mean jadi.
but will pindah after exam insyaAllah.
and alhamdulillah- baba is okay with it.
so we decided to extend our stay here
for another three months insyaAllah ;)
doakan that everything will go smoothly as planned.
insyaALlah ameeen .

eh eh eh! my eyesight is getting worse okkeh!
rabaaak! makin potek potek!
need to eat more carrot la sae!
toink toink toink !! *rabbit hoppping*

okkeh la! my semangat terturun siket!
i dunno why!
NURUSH! BUCK BUCK BUCK. UPP!
JIA YOU LA ABEYY!!

Pindah

2011-04-22T08:54:00.003+02:00

pindah??? AGAIN??? yups!!
insyaAllah. sedang diusahakan mencari rumah baru.
new house, new home. better one- wit no fungi insyaAllah :p
but,,,,, im not prepared to leave this house yet!
sayang ngan rumah nie. and sayang dengan tuan rumah de,
yang sangat baik hati dan tak berkira.
Allahu musta3anhu.
ma3lish baba! ehna aaasifah! la takun za3lan menna!
panjang umur.. jumpa lagi! xD

wait, wait...! lepas jumaat nak tengok rumah!
if possible pindah by today. WHAT???!!!
BELOM KEMAS! ok bye!

doakan saya kuat okkeh.
Allah bless us all. ameen.

Hello Egypt!

2011-04-19T09:47:00.003+02:00

bismillah. hey hey! i'm back in Egypt.
glad to be back alhamdulillah.
so many unexpected scenes happened.

i. parcel

i lost my parcel. that contained;
3 packets of rendang
2 big bottles of sambal ikan bilis
2 bottles of kicap manis
3 packets of asam bom
3 tins of sardines
2 tins of sotong sardines
3 packets of lada kering
half kilo of ikan bilis
300 grams of udang kering
halia & etc.

and yes! its a reminder for me. cox- when i was in riyadh,
we can actually see our baggages being cargo-ed.
so i didnt see mine. and my herat keep telling me;
that my parcel wasnt there.
and i forgot that- riyadh is also another 'bumi kinanah'-
which what ever being said- shoots back at you.
and whatever your heart says- is GRANTED!

okkeh, so its my fault, and alhamdulillah-
Allah masih sayangkan aku. and he reminded me.
that i am no longer in singapore.
therefore i have to watch my actions. words. and more!

and ahuh. i redha-ed. no rezki. a lesson for me aite!
(reported lost- 3 tel numbers given- no answer till now)
masyaAllah!!! ''qaddaraAllah.. wa ma syaa'a fa3al''

ii. fungus/fungi

when i stepped in my house, i saw FUNGI on the ceiling.
IN MY BEDROOM. super BUSUK and it covered almost THREE QUARTER of my room!
ya Rabb. and airmata dah started to meleleh.
hati sebak je. (cox penat angkat beg/luggage-SENDIRI- tak habis lagi)
and at point of time. cannot tahan.
i cried. sepuas-puas hati. i dont care.
but alhamdulillah- bila lega. im back on my feet again.
''jia you nurush!!''

so now, after almost 3 times of ; nak pindah ke tak-
we decided to stay and wait for baba rumah to clear that off.
insyaAllah kheir kays xD

and my part (kemas2) pon done! alhamdulillah.
so can start go kuliah by tomorrow insyaAllah xD

iii. kuliah

EXAM STARTS IN A MONTH TIME!!!!!!
ya Allah, nak gugur sae jantong when i heard this,
21 May - oral exams starts. right after oral- is written!!
ya Allah, kuliah pon lom jejak!!!!
ya Allaaaaahhhhh. nak nanges okkeh,
im so left behind. nak catch up pon tak tau how.
tuition pon missed!! aigooooo~~~

rabbuna yusahhil. now- need to buck up 1000x
and...
JIA YOU NURUSHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

* insyaAllah- for everything that happened, insyaAllah ada hikmahnyaa xD

Mak Nyai

2011-03-27T19:33:00.001+02:00

Salam. Hi. Hello.
So many things happened.
But i just dont have the mood to blog yet.
So for now, its about mak nyai.
Ok. Mak nyai was admitted in SGH.
It was the second time.
The first one was at CGH.
And it was two weeks ago.
Her condition worsened.
So sad to see her feeling so sick and uncomfortable.
Turn here and there. Right left.
Sit up. Lay down. Ya rabb.
Berat mata memandang. Berat lagi bahu memikul.
Sedih. Kesian sangat.
Ya Allah. Kau sembuhkanlah mak nyai.
Berilah padanya ketenangan.
Hanya Kau sahaja yg mengetahui.
Dan mampu mengubah segalanya.
Ameen. Ya rabb.

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the heart speaks a different language

2011-02-28T20:50:00.003+02:00

the heart speaks a different language,
when the mind speaks another.
they just didnt flow from the same river.
and this is what i am feeling right now.
my heart says that i am not strong enough.
and dont have the courage to leave egypt,
to leave what i have started..
and furthermore to leave one of my dreams-
which is to graduate as an azharian.

but my mind keeps saying.. keep thinking..
keep on giving signals that i have to stop
and further my studies in malaysia.
having bonuses and plus points from-
family members, trusted close friends
which the really encouraged me to just go malaysia
looking at the arab region and the situation,
and also with unstabled egypt with no leader.

definietly its true. that
'' kita merancang. Allah yang tentukan ''
so for now. aku hanya berserah.
mengharapkan secebis sinar- agar aku dapat
kembali pulang ke alexandria. insyaAllah.

and sometimes. people just dont understand.
untill they are finally standing on our ground-
and being in our shoes. wallahua'lam.

p.s: my heart- hurts. so much!

updates

2011-02-27T19:11:00.002+02:00

hello! hello! hello!
assalamu'alaikum!
okkeh. lama gila tak post on anything.
busy with life. plus malas nak update.
haila! but alhamdulillah.
doing great here with family xD

weekends busy with teaching and seminars.
weekdays with housechores and shopping. haha!

and yeah! so much to think about these days.
Allahu musta'aan.
and semoga aku diberi petunjuk dan..
dibawa menuju ke jalan yang terbaik.
insyaALlah ameen xD

walk walk walk

2011-02-18T18:59:00.001+02:00

Halo. Ok. I was supposed to post on rayyanians day out. But i was so tired to do so. Hee. It was fun. I enjoyed. Thanks kakaks sayang for the time. Eventhough it was so tiring. Pffft. And the fact that i was a bit bored during our circled tour. Haha. Concrete jungle! Cycling was fun. Love it!

And yesterday.. went to MUIS for the updates. Cairos were billed $1760.10 but alexs' still unsure. Hee. Dr. albakri said insyaAllah it will be a two way tix. Hope so. Anw, happy to see missed friends. Eventhough there are some yang action tak kenal. Haha. Words must have spread. Bad bad. But He knows best. Huhhu. And ahuh! Unfamiliar faces. Banyak okkeh. Ramai rupanye sporean yg blajar kat egypt. Teehee. Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan kami.insyaAllah.

- posted from HTC

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by the border - jayybeee

2011-02-15T19:34:00.003+02:00

weeeheee. i had fun yesterday!!! i mean. yester-yesterday.
went to jb with jeeja. jannah. kak ain. and kak abid.
we window shopped. sushi king-ed. food junction-ed. lepak-ed.
donut-ed. borong novels and many many many moreee xD

senang gila okkeh. cox the immigration thing-
and the shopping mall were attached. okkeh fine. just knew it. ;P
fully air-conditioned. cool and fun.
naik bus. turun bus. cop passport- and were in JB!
hahahahah! okkeh. kental. jakun. tau. fine uh!

and the funniest part was- sume dah penat
and at last rented a car and the pakcik sent us home. xD
alhamdulillah. thank you Allah for the ni'mah.
and may this friendship stays the way it is xD

besok kak eita coming to spore.
so insyaALlah will have a post on that. toodles.

p.s: i really really really need a new camera
or at least send this one for repair.
all my pictures are blurry and spoiled.
heart pain to the core. roar!

happy.. sad.. ?

2011-02-11T19:48:00.001+02:00

Hello. Had a busy and tiring day today. Ngee. Went shopping with ma. From geylang to joo chiat to tkc to parkway parade. Looked for wanie's birthday present. And had dinner with the whole family including naddy at spize- bedok corner. All of us were like bloated. and finally walked home. Had birthday cake cutting session. And some smile here and there for picture taking. Hee. Happy advanced birthday wanie! And a happy happy birthday to sweet hannah. Dah besar besar sume xD

Ouh ya. Was busy with facebooking when i recieved the news that president of egypt- hosni mubarak finally.stepped down. Alhamdulillah. Finally. After two weeks of revolution. All praises to.Allah. he knows the bestest. And speaking of this- may be that i'll b back in egypt soon. WaAllahua'lam. May be after everything has settled down. Economy stabled.. insyaAllah. Anytime sooner.

Speaking of goung back to egypt saddened me. Hard to leave my family like once again. After dah sedap having ma n the family by our side.. hmm. Cant wait to end studies soon. As so that i can be together with my family- and berbakti pada parents and family. InsyaAllah ;)

Saya saaaayangg keluarga saya. May Allah bless us all. Aamiinn

-signing off from HTC

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rayyan love

2011-02-08T21:39:00.003+02:00

teehee. alhamdulillah, thanks to kakchik and kak ulfa-
for layan-ing my crave for popiah Qi Ji at Century Sq.
yummeh. super-licious lah popiaah dee. xD
bought for myself two popiah. regular and prawn popiah.
with a can of green tea- as my breakfast,lunch and dinner.

and now its 3.42am. and i'm hungryyy!!! ok lapar!

back to the story,
we window shop a lot. from century sq to tampines mall.
to BHG to Isetan to montip to NTUC to famous amos and etc.
and guess whatttt!??? OMG! we SAW ust sukarti and her son in Isetan.
ape lagi!! cabott la. on the spot, U-turned and to the EXIT la abeyy!
hahahahahhahaah! lol. we laughed a lot la say!

and i love my kakaks. may Allah bless you both, mwah!

and hope that rayyan can have a mini reunion-
when kak eita comes to singapore any time soon xD

p.s: teehee. crave for a piece or two of sushi! teehee xD
and of cox DURIANS, only if tengah musim. hmmmm.

a day with naddy

2011-02-07T17:13:00.002+02:00

after staying at home for soo long,
finally i stepped out of the house.
teehee. went to bugis junction wit naddy
to look out for wanie's birthday present.
first date with naddy, officially.
cox all this while- cuma terserempak la.
hahaha. but that was before naddy and adie.

not sure what to get for wanie.
she didnt appreciate things that much.
*as if i am one- but hey! certain lousy things je-
especially those that i bought myself. erk!*

so.. what? i thought of buying her a shoe/sandal/pumps.
since her kasot all worn out and burok already.
and i saw one from lee cooper. nice.
but scared that her feet couldnt fit in.
cox we. including me. have broad feet. erk!
so naddy tried putting them one, very nice.
but she said- she wears them je dah fit. haila!
i guess have to wait for ma uh. ngee~

and yesterday, went to aloha resort/bungalow.
for rahimabi's retreat. hee. ade bbq and stuffs,
but not for long uh. from 3pm-10pm.
eh, lama jugak la, 7 hours. plus- tiring! ahha!

anw. friends, all senyapp. and i'm quiet too. haha!

eh, ust mohd said- next week kuliah resumes.
so bila mau balik?
tix kapal pergi lom settle. nak balik lagi satu hal!
kerja? kejapp gila. for a month or two.
may be buat nenek mia project je la,
hopefully this time- really work out. hee xD

job..less?

2011-02-05T21:32:00.002+02:00

teehee. i'm slacking at home.
havent gone out yet. neither for shopping,
nor visiting, nor meeting friends,
and not even to withdraw money. hahh!

thinking of looking for a nice part-tome job.
for the moment la. pity my parents la.
but what job eh? where to find it? aiyyoo!
is there any easy job but big pay?
hahhah! lol. nak senang je kerja. *sigh*
i always berangan nak babysit kids.
but to think that adeq2 aku yang ni je tak terlayan.
cekik darah je ngan dorang.
but the fact that they are super adorable.
especially shifaa.
hahah. terubat sudah rindu. plus dapat gigit de banyak2.
lol.

anw, dilemma. dilemma. dilemma. k bye!

ya Allah, tetapkanlah hati ku ke jalanMu.
tetapkanlah hati ku menuju hidayah Mu. insyaAllah.

crave for durian uh, asal tak musim niyyyyyy!!!

safely back home xD

2011-02-04T20:50:00.002+02:00

alhamdulillah. i am now safely back in singapore.
with the help of mfa and muis.
and of cox the usaha from my parents,
alhamdulillah. i'm home! home sweet home.

too many things happened. during the last days in Alex.
as much as the journey that brings me all the way out.
but whatever it is. i am so grateful to HIM for saving me
and sent me home safely. alhamdulillah.

my last post was on thursday 27.01.2011 about the news recieved,
and the next few seconds- we lost our internet connection-
started from twitter- to facebook- and to the connection.

on the friday 28.01.2011, it happened.
after the friday prayers. yes. the riots and demonstrations occured.
no internet connection. no mobile lines/coverage. nothing.
so we were just staying at home. giggling around.
watching movies. playing uno. hahaha, funny right?
cox we didnt know that it happened.
furthermore, we were staying further inside.
and that makes us clueless. and even baba didnt tell us anything. nil.

the whole friday was with no lines, we started to worry a bit,
especially when i couldnt contact ma/abie.
so we brought kak mar to stay with us. and she was alone afterall.

and on saturday. alhamdulillah. our lines were back.
and then was when i recieved the news and updates from mahder.
but i didnt say anything to mahder or planning to fly back to singapore or what.
cox we were feeling okay, and safe.
ahuh. especially when our food supplies still at home.
and we didnt see any protestors near our house.
so alhamdulillah. we thought we are okay.

on sunday morning, ma called. she updated me with the current updates-
about what's happening there. and yeah, she insisted me to go back.
but i told ma it was okay. etc etc.
but ma and abie insited.
so, that night- i called mr.Tan from the embassy to let them know-
that i wished to go home. and ahuh.

and monday morning- the trusted friend of the embassy brought the five of us-
kak yana aim, kak ina, fadh, kak ferra, and myself to the porg el arab airport.
and then i saw tanks.. armies with guns and all.
and alhamdulillah. we managed to reach the airport safely.
and our budget flight to dubai was delayed due to the poor connection-
that needed manual process. and therefore- we missed our flight dubai-spore.
and the five of us- had to stay for a night in dubai.

alhamdulillah. the second batch from alex managed to reach dubai on time.
and then, we met them for out connecting flight back to singapore.

hmm, so many things that happened, that taught me some lesson.

communication is super important. an experience for me.
that taught me the feeling of fear but at the same time- controlling them ;)

my feelings for now is-

. i'm so happy and glad to be back.
. and alhamdulillah all sporeans are back- cox things get worst.
. scared for my studies. and al-azhar.
. sad- cox parents need to fork out money for this evacuation.
. guilty for troubling toop many people. especially my parents.
. and had some thoughts to may be continue my studies in m'sia.

hey. i shouldnt have said that. but. i'm feeling so guilty towards my parents.
i had troubled them. too many. too much. and i dont want to burden them anymore.
but like what mai said. we have to finish what we have started- its true.
plus- studying in Al-Azhar has always been my dream. i am so confused, and unsure.

ya Allah, Kau bukakanlah pintu hatiu ini. berilah petunjuk kepada kebenaran.
andai keputusan itu baik buat ku. maka bawalah aku ke jalan itu.
andai ianya buruk buat ku. maka Engkau tutupkanlah jalan itu.
sesungguhnya.. Engkau Maha Mengetahui. lagi Maha Bijaksana, waAllahua'lam.

Rabbuna Ma'ana.

2011-01-27T21:25:00.004+02:00

bismillah. and again. we recieved a news-
that tomorrow right after jum'ah. millions of men
akan adakan rusuhan dan demonstrasi di seluruh tanah Mesir.
innalillahi wa inna ilaihi roji'uun.
and khabarnya- rusuhan akan berlarutan sehingga akhir bulan.
waAllahu a'lam.

ya Allah. i'm so scared of this.
getting worst than ever.
dah three days benda ni happened.
and sampai sekarang.
Ya Rabb. Protect us Ya Allah.

and OH! i'm scared. i'm scared.
scared than ever. and i need my family. like- NOW!
its safer right? having family beside us.
nak maaaaaaaa. nak abieeeee. takoot gila okkeh!
ya Allah. lindungi kami ya Allah.

to mai. take care tau time balik nanty.
bila kat atas tuh doakan kite sume kays.
peluk cium buat cik som. see ya!

p.s: macam nak balik singapore, mahder.. is the offer still on?
but to think of my other family here in egypt.
saya tak sampai hati nak tinggalkan mereka.
grant me strength Ya Rabb!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

email- from Mandubah;

Assalamualaikum sahabat sahabat sekalian..

Alhamdulillah peperiksaan semester pertama telah pun berakhir secara rasminya. Jadi ana pasti ramai yang telah awal-awal lagi merancang untuk menghabiskan cuti dalam tempoh dua atau 3 minggu ini sebelum semester kedua pula mengambil tempat. Bagaimana klise yang selalu didengari tapi adalah hakikat kehidupan, kita merancang Allah yang menentukan. Perancangan kita juga sebenarnya masih dalam ketentuan Allah. Ada yang dah semangat-semangat merancang di pengakhirannya, qada' dan qadar Allah mengambil tempat. Baik yang harus pulang ke Singapura, yang harus ke Cairo dengan tujuan dan niat tertentu yang pastinya Allah maha mengetahui segala-galanya, yang sudah merancang tetapi tiba-tiba tidak dapat tunaikan atas alasan dan sebab yang juga tidak terkecuali dalam pemerhatian Allah. Pucuk pangkalnya, segalanya tidak akan terlepas dari pandanganNya walau sepicing pun. Lantas ke mana pun kita, beritahu atau tidak beritahu kepada yang sepatutnya tahu, niat dan jiwa harus bersih.

Seperti yang telah maklum, lebih kurang 3 hari telah berlaku demonstrasi dan rusuhan di seluruh bumi Mesir. Iskandariah juga tidak terkecuali. Lantas tadi YDPH telah menyampaikan sedikit amanat dan pesanan,

1. Segala dokumen-dokumen penting; paspot, isol, karneh, duit serta dokumen-dokumen peribadi hendaklah disatukan dalam satu beg khas dan disimpan di tempat yang senang dicapai jika berlaku sebarang kecemasan. Beg itu pula hendaklah di bawa bila ingin berpergian jauh.

2. Embassy khabarkan, kemungkinan besar rusuhan ini akan berlarutan sehingga akhir bulan ini dan ianya dijangka akan lebih teruk dari hari-hari sebelum ini. Oleh itu, jika tiada keperluan ke mana-mana, duduk sahaja di rumah.

3. Dijangka esok (hari jumaat) bukan ratusan, bukan ribuan tapi jutaan lelaki akan mengadakan rusuhan selepas solat Jumaat (ni ana dapat dari news online plus dari taxi driver). Tak perlu keluar rumah. Kalau nak beli makanan, pagi-pagi tu beli lah stok banyak-banyak. Ikan masywi ke apa, belilah 2 kilo (maaf, terselit).

4. Ma'rad telah pun ditangguhkan.

5. Sebelum ke Cairo, check status di sana, update dari sana, beritahu. Manfaatkan Musyrif.

5. Doa. Setiap masa. Visa masih belum siap sebab polis-polis sangat sibuk sesibuk lebah. Doa je.

6. Tengok-tengokkan ahli beit yang lain. Jaga diri. Keep updated always. Dan TOLONG beritahu sebelum buat apa-apa keputusan khususan keluar dari Iskandariyah dan umuman apa-apa yang boleh mengundang kesusahan dan kecelakaan (na'uzubillahi min zalik) pada masa akan datang. Kita bukan hidup sendirian. Kita punya teman dan keluarga. Satu susah, semua susah. Satu jaga hak yang mempunyai hak, insyaAllah semua selamat. Kullu kullu kullu kullu kheir insyaAllah.

Hanya penyampai dan kisah atas keselamatan semua,
Mardhiah Mohamad Haron

bomb? again??

2011-01-26T23:36:00.002+02:00

i was at san stefano when i heard the news.
heard from kakchik that echol posted on his fb.
reported that a small-fiat car exploded near malaysian embassy.
they said- maybe tak sempat nak letop kat tempat lain-
tapi terletop kat sana- near azza- kedai eskrim.
wa Allahu a'lam.
and also- kat cairo nga ribut with riots- at tahrir, ramses.
and echol said- siap ade guns sume.
but i from what i saw in youtube- police siap sembur gas sume.
what's happening to egypt nie?
after one another. we can only pray- and hoped that-
we, pelajar2 yang jihad nak tuntut ilmu kat Al-Azhar
tak terjejas. insyaAllah :)
Ya Allah,, lindungilah kami. sesungguhnya Engkao la sebaik2 pelindung.

and yeah- may be tak turun cairo kot-
so scared uh. just stay here la. insyaAllah kheir.

about MM Lee's statement. Semoga Allah beri dia hidayah la eh.

a day out??

2011-01-25T23:22:00.003+02:00

lalalalalalala.. just came back from carrefour. ngee!
had fun with my lovelies- kak ulfa and kakchik xD
went to eat, watch movie, and shop! err, i mean- windowshop.
had fun. eventhough its tiring. ngee.
but yeah! thanks to kakchik and kak ulfa. layan xD

and please- dun watch - THE GREEN HONET.
its super lame. and borring. macam nak tengok SEASON OF THE WITCH.
teehee. only if kaya eh. hahaha! xD best betool.
and lucky to those yang every semester balik.
even just for a birthday celebration- best betool .
tak pe tak pe. rezki Allah tuh luas- and macam2 cara.

tomorrow- shop at khaled may be xD

bored to.. DEATH!

2011-01-23T17:11:00.001+02:00

ok fine. the title seems exaggerated siket ehk. huhhu!
but its true. boring to the max okkeh!
aaargh! k boring! bye!

all praises.. to Allah

2011-01-21T11:11:00.002+02:00

all praises to Allah.. alahmdulillaah :))
yipppeeee!! exams are over. alhamdulillah.
fiqh was okay. insyaAllah. inni tawakkaltu 'ala Allah..

holiday plan.. hmm *thinking*
- kemas rumah la. esp my room.
macam tongkang pecah la sae! :S

- jalan-jalan boleyy? not cairo la.

-ma3radh buku in cairo.
for three to four days insyaAllah :)

- nak pergi sinai ke tak ehkkk????
after knowing....... HAHHAHHAHAHAHAHH!

we will see how ehk. mane ngan pokai nyeee.
ekekekeke. MA! NAK DUIT! NAK JALAN-JALAN!
ngeeeheeee xD

soulmate

2011-01-20T01:34:00.003+02:00

nice one here i got from kakchik

Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose parents emphasised for him to get married. They had seen so many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in mind.

However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would always say ‘she’s not the one!’

The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing, however one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious, and practicing.

On that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask each other questions. (As one would expect).

The young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to ask first.

The young girl asked the young man so many questions, she asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his pastime, his experiences, his shoe size..

The young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, and politely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man do you have any questions?

The young man said, it’s ok. I only have 3 questions…

The young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, shoot.

The young man’s first question was, Who do you love the most in the world, someone who’s love nothing would ever overcome?

She said, this is an easy question; my mother, he smiled.

Second question, he asked, you said that you read a lot of qur’an, could you tell me which surahs you know the meaning of?

Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, I do not know the meaning of any yet, but I am hoping to soon insha’allah I’ve just been a bit busy.

The third question the young man asked, was I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are a lot more prettier than you, why should I marry you?

Hearing this the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury, and said I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty, and intelligence. And the young man and his parents, were once again, left without an agreement of marriage.

This time, the young mans parents were really angry, and said what did you do to anger that girl, the family were so nice, and pleasant, and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the girl?? Tell us!

The young man said, firstly I asked her, who do you love the most? she said, her mother,

The parents said so, what is wrong with that??

The young man said, ‘no one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah, andhis messenger (saw) more than anyone else in the world’

If a woman loves Allah and the Prophet (pbuh) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me, and stay faithful to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). and we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.

The young man said, then I asked, you read a lot of qur’an, can you tell me the meaning of any surah?

And she said no, because I haven’t had time yet. so I thought of that hadith ‘ALL humans, are dead except for those who have knowledge’ She has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek knowledge, whywould I marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and responsibilities, and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman IS the madrasa (school) and the best of teachers. And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her husband.

The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose you?

That is why she stormed off, getting angry. The young man’s parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing, we are going back there to apologise. The young man said I said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger.

The Prophet (saw) said ‘do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry’ when asked how to become pious; because anger is from Satan.

If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has just met,do you think she will be able to control it with her husband??

So, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on:

*Knowledge, not looks,

*Practice, not preaching,

*Forgiveness, not anger,

*Spiritual love, not lust.

*And compromise

One should look for a person who

1) Has love for Allah (swt) and the messenger (saw)

2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can act upon it.

3) Can control their anger

4) And willing to compromise.

And it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things.

Aisha’h RA reports “One day I was on a camel which was somewhat difficult to control and the Prophet s.a.w remarked “you must be compassionate, whenever there is compassion in something it adorns it, and when it is removed from something it disgraces it”. Reported by Imam Al-Bukhari.

p.s: mai scarlett. where got yunho perfect. he's not a muslim. that defines his imperfection in total. kk gurauu! jgn mareee.

ISHQ

2011-01-19T23:36:00.002+02:00

r.i.n.d.u.
okkeh, saya rindu yang amatan dengan keluarga saya.
mereka terlalu8 senyapp. mungkin tak nak ganggu saya periksa.
insyaAllah. after my last paper tomorrow. saya akan ''ganggu'' mereka.
ekekeke. eh eh, LAST PAPER la insyaAllah esokk!
doakan bebanyak ye, terima kasih.

hmm.. sebab tuh saya nak seorang pilot. *berangan*
sebab kerinduan tuh manis. tapi adakalanya pahit.
wallahua'lam :))

doakan banyak banyak tauuu!
*lompatlompat* lepas ni boley mengadapp laptop 24 jam! ekeke!

ehhe.. left one la!

2011-01-17T20:57:00.002+02:00

alhamdulillah. ma3ajim down already!
and i'm left wit just one more paper. ehehe. alhamdulillah.
fiqh mu3amalat. ade bedengik nak hapal, but insyaAllah.
i have to pulun habes, for the sake of Allah and beloveds.

still couldnt believe myself. i'm in year two.
and after next semester- insyaAllah will be in year three. insyaAllah.
masa tuh berlalu pantas sangat. hmm. tak sangka!

and yeah, just now ma posted on my fb wall-
''Abie shed his tear while havg dinner.. i ask abie y n he ans.. "im tinking of TE.. she is such a gud gurl..im glad to have her n she's Allah's greatest gift.." ''
oww. that's so sweet. i'm super touched.
i never know how abie feels about me. all i can see all this while-
through my experiences- childhood experiences;
abie always go easy more on adie. and that was why i'm extra close wit ma.
and i used to think abie never loves me.
cox he always made me do things. always called my name to make this and that..
but then, now i realise- may be- he just wants to see me more.
that's why he makes do things for him. teehee.
and i remembered kak zu said- no matter what- just so affection towards your father.
they actually care. but fathers- they tend to hide their feelings. LOL.

but whatever it is- i never hate my father. i just love him for who he is.
and am so grateful for having him as my father- and for how he brought me up.
im so thankful. and grateful. alhamdulillah. feeling so blessed !
and i love my mahder too. for who she is. for everything.
thank you Allah- for making them my parents. and for making me their daughter.
alhamdulillah :)

p.s: but i am still with my stand- hee- home sweet home 2012 insyaAllah :)

two down!

2011-01-13T22:15:00.002+02:00

alhamdulillah. had my english paper just now.
and that made two papers down.
and left with another two more papers.
and.. i'm freee! yipppeee!

pray many many for ma3ajim.
a bit tough paper. i supposed.
the subject is easy. but to diff the mu3jams..
plus the chriterias. -.- can mati woo~

tapi Allah kan ada.
yang penting saya usaha okkeh!

bye, off to books! mwah!

pray for me people. okkeh. God bless you all!

a message to all

2011-01-12T03:20:00.002+02:00

a reminder to myself. and may be you people out there.
God's Great. May we be blessed. :)

bismillaah..
i found this post while blog-hopping.
semoga menjadi i'tibar buat kita semua.

-------------------------------------------------------------

''I woke up suddenly one night and saw a strange light in my room... The problem is that the lights are off. I saw the clock, it was 3.30 in the morning. Okay... so where is this light coming from??

I turned around and saw something very strange.. My body was half way through the wall!?? I immediately pulled it out and sat down to see if I am okay.

This is strange... I tried to push onto the wall, but MY ARM GOES THROUGH.

I heard a sound. I turned to my brother's bed to see him sleeping. I was really scared of what was happening to me... so I tried to wake him up... but... he didn't reply!!

I went to my parents' bedroom.. I tried to wake up my mother and father. I just wanted somebody to react to me...

But nobody did.

I tried to wake up my mother again... she woke up this time... My mother got up but she didn't communicate to me. She was saying,

"In the name of ALLAH, most Merciful, most Gracious.."

(بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم)

again and again...

She woke my dad up saying,

"Get up, man. I want to check up on the kids,"

My dad replied in disinterest,

"It's not time for this. Let me sleep and insyaALLAH tomorrow I'll get to that.."

But my mother was insisting... so he woke up.

I was THERE. I was screaming.

"Dad.. Mum.."

Nobody was replying.

I held my mother's clothes to grab her attention. But she didn't recognize my existence. I followed her till she got to my bedroom. My father and mother got into the room and turned on the lights...

It wasn't making any difference to me anyway because there was a strong light there. I then saw the strangest thing in my life...

My OWN BODY... on my bed!

I was trembling. How can there be two of me??! How can that person look so much like me??! and what is he doing on my bed???

I started hitting and slapping myself to wake up from this nightmare... but it was too real to be a nightmare.

Dad said,
"Yalla, see this kids are sleeping. Let's go back to bed."
But mother wasn't at all confident. She went to the sleeping person on my bed and said,

"Khalid, wake up! wake up!"

But he didn't reply.

She tried again and again... but no reply.

Then I turned to see my dad tearing. Today witnesses the first time in my life that I have seen my dad's tears. The place was shaking with the screaming.

My brother woke up.

"What's going on??!"

In a very sad tone, with tears rolling down her cheek, mother replied,

"your brother's dead! Khalid is DEAD!!"

I went to my mother and said,

"Please mum... Don't cry. I'm right here. Look at me!"

But nobody's replying to me... WHY??

I turned to ALLAH and asked HIM to wake me up from the nightmare! Quickly following my doa was a voice saying,

"You were in negligence from this, so We uncovered the blinds and today your sight is (like iron)," (Quran)

لقد كنت في غفلة من هذا فكشفنا عنك غطاءك فبصرك اليوم حديد

Suddenly two creatures held my arm . They weren't human!

"Leave me ALONE! Who are you and what do you want from me??"

"We're your grave's guards,"

I said,

"But I'm not dead yet! Let go of me!!"

I can still see, hear, touch and speak.. I am not dead! They replied with a smile,

"You humans are fascinating! You think that by dying your life ends, while in fact on earth is a small dream compared to the hereafter. A dream that ends at your death."

They started pulling me towards my grave... On the way, I saw people just like me. Each has two guards like mine. Some were smiling, others crying, others screaming. I asked the guards,

"Why are they all doing that?"

They replied,

"These people now know their fate. Some were in ignorance so they-"

"- so they go to hell??!" I interrupted.

They said,

"Yes."

and continued...

"and those laughing are going to Heaven."

I quickly replied,

"What about me? Where will I go??"

They said,

"You were at times a good Muslim, while other times not. One day you obey ALLAH, the next day you disobey HIM. And you weren't clear with yourself and your fate will remain so, lost."

I replied, shaking,

"SO AM I GOING TO HELL??"

They said,

"ALLAH's mercy is great, and the journey is long,"

I turned to see my family carrying my dead body in a coffin so I ran to them.. I said,

"Make doa for me,"

But nobody replied... I went to my brother and warned him,

"Be careful with what you do in this life. Don't be a fool like myself!"

I was really hoping that he could hear me...

The two angels (guards) tied up my soul on top of my body.. I saw my relatives pouring sand over me.. At that moment I was hoping that I would be in their place...

That I can turn to ALLAH and do as much as HE wants from me...

That I would ask for forgiveness and once and for all repent my sins that angered HIM..
But unfortunately I couldn't. I shouted,

"People, don't let this life tempt you! Wake up to the truth. One day you will DIE, and you never know when.. or how.."

I hoped for somebody to hear me... Nobody there did.

But YOU heard me...

Save yourself. Smile to others, forgive them when you have the power to punish them. ALLAH forgives those that forgive others. Do your prayers regularly with an open heart. Let ALLAH guides your life, not satan. Read the Quran regularly and let the Prophet (peace be upon him) be your role model in life. Work in this time life for your salvation in an eternal one..

-----------------------------------------------------------

taken from: http://avoid-bunch-up.blogspot.com/2009/12/for-me-for-you-for-all-of-us-for-good.html

baarakallahu feek. wa ahsana ilaik..

one down!

2011-01-10T18:37:00.002+02:00

alhamdulillah. one paper down-ed just now.
three more to go. but still, prayers are needed.
constant prayers and wishes. kasi semangatt siket.
tarikh adab was okay-okay.
but normal la for every paper.
there's always the confident-a-bit question.
and the not-so-so-confident. haha.
tapi insyaAllah. Rabbuna yusahhil kays *positivity*
plus tawakkal. yeah, thats the key. HE knows bestest!

okay. let's get back to books and notes.
next, english! doakan. :)) God bless!

good luck!!

2011-01-08T22:56:00.002+02:00

its 9th january tomorrow.
and my sister kak ulfa will be having her first paper
tafseer. all the best kak ulfa-chan!
you can do it! ma3attaufiqq wan najah wal imtiyaz kays.
i can see u did your best. especially being awake at 2 am till subuh.
that's the spirit :)
semoga Allah permudahkan urusan mu okkeh! xoxo.

to my ssm jeeja. all the best to you too!
ganbatte kays! will see you after exams are over insyaAllah :)

and to all peeps. out there. be it seniors or juniors.
be it in cairo or alexandria or even tanta or mansurah-
all the bestest to all of you! semoga diberi kemudahan insyaAllah :)

ouh ya! a happy happy happy birthday to -
my BELOVED LOVED LOVELOVE ATOK-SAN!
happy 81st ATOK! i love you many many many okkeh.
semoga dikurniakan kesihatan. kesejehteraan dunia akhirat.
wait for me kays! i will come back and serve you.
mwah! xoxo. i love you so much kays! may Allah bless you Atok sayanG!

and good luck to me too! another day left to adab!
ganbatte-ne! jia you nurushie.
semoga Allah permudahkann urusanku kays. ameen.

pause

2011-01-03T13:42:00.002+02:00

hello!! just ended all my calls. p-fingo-ed every one,
from nenek to maknyai to paman to makngah and mak lang to family.
ahaha. of cox mintak doakan. exam in 7 days la abeyy!
exactly a week time. lakhaii! scarry merry!
3ala kulli haal. usaha tuh mau lebih! seiring dengan doa.
jia you nurushie. semoga Allah permudahkan urusan ku. amiin.
to all my friends out there! jia you kays! ma3attaufiq wan najaah wal imtiyaaz :)

ouh ya! i shall resume back my lappy and some procrastination after first paper.
confirm nak lepaskan gian plus lepaskan rindu and lepaskan stress.
hahahah! alrytee then. till the next post!

pray for me!

p.s: here's my timetable.

new skin

2011-01-01T23:42:00.002+02:00

halo! just changed my new blogskin. -.-
cox i was so kental that i accidentally deleted my previous skin.
therefore. i made one myself using the normal blogger template.
too tired to decorate or make it attractive.
asalkan boleh post. is enough. hahaha. *mcmphm*

okkeh. good night. toodles.

2011 la sayy!

2011-01-01T15:44:00.002+02:00

its 2011 today!! happy new year people!!!

may this coming year, bring us more happiness and be blessed by Allah. insyaAllah aamiin! i dont have any resolutions. but like always, semua orang nak kebaikan. a better life, better me in the future insyaAllah.

but one thing for sure. another has passed. a new year. that shows- kiamat nak dekat. ahuh. so scarry uh abey! i'm not a good hamba. i'm not a good daughter. i'm not a good friend. i'm not a good sister. terlalu banyak kekurangan. terlalu banyak. so, nurushiee. wakey wakey okkeh. jangan cakap macam paham je kay! buat. prove it!

and baru first day of a new year. we recieved bad news. a car was bombed at sidi bishr. so very near to my place. where i lived here in alex. so erm. insyaAllah okkeh la. tak ada apape kays. Allah melindungi, and watching us. always :) and i saw a post on FB- Faizal Yusof- the malaysian actor died of heart attack. innalillaah.
to me- ni Allah nak tunjukkan nak kasi peringatan. makin dekat kita dengan kiamat. makin cepat masa berlalu. T.T takooot! insyaALlah kheir . amiin.

ouh ya, yesterday was husaini's birthday. so.. a happy happy birthday to you. i tired to call you on 0000 on the 31st. but i guess- salah num. cox a girl picked up instead. hehe. its okay! i left you a message in ur inbox. lol. and i guess. u only reply when my birthday comes. which is in 9 months time. erm, may Allah bless you. and enjoy your life wit beloveds! tc old mate. imy.

and.. oi!!! i'm left wit 9 DAYS!! to examination! jia you nurushie. k dah. simpan laptop la! :P *mcmphm* kk. see u soon blogg! and happy new year! :P

less than three

2010-12-27T07:43:00.005+02:00

hello blog! wow. lama jugak sae. never update this blogg. erk. i was busy lah. wit school and stuffs. examination and notes. tuitions and memorisations. -.- dagdugdagdug. super scared of examinations. like always. huhhu! therefore must study super hard. plus study smart. like mahder always says.ekekeke.

i procrastinate a lot la sae! few minutes on hafalan. another few hours on laptop. facebook la. twitter la. and now- the addiction to e-novel-ingg is back.!! boo to myself. erk. the nafsu to all this- mak aii! every second. mesti nk tengok. facebook pon bukan selalu update pon. but tangan yang gatal nak browse people picure albums.. status. and be nosey! adoyaii!

and yeah. another friend just got married yesterday. a big congratss to her. may it lasts forever. and berbahagia disamping suami terchenta. hukhukhuk. the third in the list. who's NEXT. *wonderingg*

oi. december is at its end la sae! in a few days to examination!! takooot boley! -.-

err. errm. bila exam dah dekat je. macam-macam hal lah berlaku. -.-
kebanyakan soal kawan. dan hati. adoyaii! bila nak exam la sebok hati ni nak mentel-mentel. boley sakit mental! ahha! tapi. normal la kan. kuikuikui.

saya harap. saya dapat terus. berjiayou! dan berganbatte-an. yeah!
ma3attaufiq wan najah to myself. and my friends out there. andai ada salah dan silap. ku susun jari memohon ampun dan maaf. o-o okkeh! insyaAllah.

O' Lord! grant me fullest strength and spirit! amiin insyaAllah. plus some patience please. hurhur.

anyway. i found this song- Bila cinta- ost Lagenda Budak Setan;
and i realised it actually reflects my heart, and its words. uhhu!

nah,

and here's the lyrics; ENJOY!

Bila cinta kini
Tak lagi bermakna
Yang ku rasa kini
Hanyalah nestapa
Ditinggalkan cinta masa lalu

Dulu kau tawarkan
Manisnya janjimu
Yang ku sambut itu
Dengan segenap hatiku
Hingga engkau pergi
Tinggalkanku

Hilangnya cintamu
Menusuk hatiku
Hinggaku memilih
Cinta yang fana

Perginya dirimu
merobek jantungku
Hingga ku terjatuh
Dalam harapan

kusebut namamu
disetiap doaku
bangkitkan setiap
kenangan tentangmu
yangku dapat
hanyalah bayangmu

Hilangnya cintamu
Menusuk hatiku
Hinggaku memilih
Cinta yang fana

Uuu…

Perginya dirimu
merobek jantungku
Hingga ku terjatuh
Dalam harapan
.....
Dalam harapan ...uuuu

p.s: ily, mahder!

hello

2010-12-15T18:39:00.002+02:00

i miss blogging.
i miss updating.
i miss my blogger.

i was too busy wit school
and tuitions, notes and exams.

i was too busy wit 17 dec
and busy making s.show and stuffs.

i wish to end this a.s.a.p
cox i need to concentrate more
on my school, esp examintaion.
i don't want to musnahkan
harapan family. esp ma, nenek and atok.
they really put hopes on me.

i have new chat buddy.
nadirah- adie's gf.
she's a nice girl.
and sayang kamu ye. <3

i made up my mind.
insyaAllah, sem 1 holidays
i'll take up driving lessons
and sem 2 finish up sanad
and will fly to dubai
and raya sana. with kak y, mak b,n wak li
insyaAllah.

i know mahder is kinda sad
but i'm determined.
and have my plans
home,no,home,family=home
confused?
yr 1- home
yr 2- nopey
yr 3- home
yr 4- family come to egypt.
insyaAllah..
aku plan je. berangan.
but Allah yang tentetukan.
insyaAllah, biiznih :))

lastly,
semoga program 17 dec ni..
berjalan dengan lancar insyaAllah :)
dan semoga saya tak paisey
plus memaiseykan diri nanti :)
*dagdugdagdug*

wassap?

2010-12-08T22:23:00.002+02:00

wokey. wassap? what happened today?

-kuliah.
i was pissed off.
with some un-tamadun-ed arab gals.
syariah wa qanun gals joined us for english class.
they were SO noisy. especially the 2 gals sitting at my back.
suara mak kau! macam speaker sae.
terpekik sana sini.
tsk tsk tsk. terok~ terok~ terok~
bila kita dah pusing belakang and stare.
yer! makin menjadi2 boley.
i gave up! and walked away!
therefore. aku x attend class english.
walla wahid! tsk tsk tsk.

-sakhanah.
yeay! thanks to baba.
sakhanah finally working :)
alhamdulillah.

-cable.
more yeay!
we isytiirak-ed cable :))
from ammu pervet la abey!
so far so good. but at times. lag.
teehee. sumeorg ade. sorang satuu. best boley!

-skype.
skype-d with ma, abie, adie.
erk. guilty siket la.
cox i wasnt that focus.
nor tengok muka. erk.
cox was busy doing my invitation cards.
(which is finally over, heh)
plus- baba datang betolkan sakhanah.
so asek terpause-d je.
sian mahder, gomen!
but i was happy. glad.
dah lama giler boley tak skype.
since i had problem wit my mic.
ouh ya! my internal mic rosak. diam je!

-impian.
impian abie saya.
yang sangat2 bersemangat dengan usahanya.
AWSALA.
erm. abie really put high hopes on me.
since erk. perkemas cam eksyen tanak layan.
apee jee! sembarang uh.
hmm. bukan tanak tolong.
bukan tanak layan. erk.
tapi i'm so not confident.
tak tau cm ne nak describe.
saya bangga. sugguh!
dengan usaha serta kebijaksanaan.
plus ke-pandang-jauh+perhatin-an bapak saya.
tapi saya takut. saya tak dapat nak capai impian murni bapak saya nie.
samahniy ya rabb!

-naibah.
erk. tetiba saya rase macam nak letak jawatan.
ok fine! kerja gila.
kerana saya takot masa depan.
saya takot saya tak mampu.
saya takot saya tak dapat jadi ketua yg bagos.
saya takot saya tak bertanggungjawab.
saya takot saya tak kuat.
saya takot saya tak bagos.
saya takot orang tak suka dengan cara kepimpinan saya.
saya takot fatrah ni jadi zaman 'kejatuhan'
kenapa saya takot!?
saya takot jugaaaaakkk!!!!
samahniy ya rab.

-harapan.
harapan saya. nak jadi kuat.
harapan saya. nak tabah.
harapan saya. nak tingkatkan usaha.
harapan saya. nak jadi pandai.
harapan saya. nak kosongkan hati.
harapan saya. nak tajamkan minda.
harapan saya. nak tambahkan keimanan.
harapan saya. nak jadi wanita solehah mutqinah.

erk. saya macam asek lapar je.
cuaca pon dah makin sejok!
hello winter! :)

2010-12-05T23:51:00.002+02:00

life. full of ups and downs.
unexpected. unknown.

so many things happened, lately.
just that i dont have the time.
the mood. the eagerness to write them down.

exam is getting nearer.
just around the corner.
everyone is busy with tuitions.
extra classes. notes-making.
and overnights.
and so do i.
pelan-pelan kayuh.. insyaAllah :)

ouh ya. erm. nadirah. is finally going out wit my brother.
she's his pri-schoolmate from fengshan.
and she has a crush on him since then.
haha. i remebered once.
my brother was invited to her house on her birthday.
so i kinda followed and accompanied adie la.
haha. she's a sweet sweet kecik-build girl.
during my hols in spore.
terserempak-ed her banyak kali. teehee.
and yeah. last few days. i guess.
my brother and she. goig out la. finally.
happy for her, since primary sae.
erm. around, 9 years la sae. omg!
she sabar je. cool eh.
kalau saya pun nak berperasaan cam ni boleh?
sabar je. and letak je harapan.
mana tau satu hari saya pon macam nie?
tapi.. nasib orang lain lain uh.
entahla. get over it kays nurush. gosh!

apapepon. saya turut bergembira atas ni. :)

ok. boring nye post nie. chiao la!

updates

2010-11-29T02:00:00.001+02:00

Heyy. I miss blogging.
So much to tell. But too lazy to write.
So many things happened.
Spices up my life. Teehee.

-kak eita is back. LOL.
Erk. Kinda awkward. For me. For us.
Hee. Cant imagine whats gonna happen.
Its just that we are so used being 3.
Lets just hope for the best. Hee.

-coming to december.
A month to examination weeks.
I have the spirit.
But im scared if i couldnt make it.
But insyaAllah. Ill try my best.
And the rest is up to Him.
He knows better ;)

-i was selected.
To help kak mar n kak umai wit Alex stuffs.
No feelings. I accepted this.
As a syaraf from Allah-like wat a.helmi said.
So yeah. Really hope that i can be useful.
To help around with things. Hee.
InsyaAllah :)

-something wrong with my laptop.
Got problem with intetnal mic. I guess.
Cant make calls. No skype.
And i miss my family.
Miss hearing their voices. Heh.

-i wish to go to Dubai.
and travel up to Oman.
Next year. Summer holiday.
And i hope this wish will come true :)

-and yeah.
I had troubles with sleeping.
My mind just wont shut.
Cant stop thinking. Working. Pffft!

-i wish to recover. Soon.
Shower me with Your blessings Ya Allah :)

Thank You.

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death

2010-11-24T04:10:00.001+02:00

Death.
The word by itself is scary.
What more if the situation.
Ya rabb. I've been hearing too much.
A friend dah tak de mak semalam.
Another friend just lose her nenek.
So scarry right. N hurt.
To have your beloveds gone.
One after another.
And ours?? Ya Allaah.
So scared. Its written. There.
Cuma tunggu masa je.
When and where ?? WaAllahua'lam.
Yang penting, if the time comes.. tak lambat. Tak cepat. On time.
HE promised that.
I'm so scared.
I have commited too many sins.
And commiting. Day by day.
Hours by hours. Mins by mins.
And even sec by sec.
Astaghfirullaah..
If my time is up-
Wishing for two, husnul khotimah.
And with the presence of my love ones.
InsyaAllah eh.
Takoootnyee !!
Ajal tu tak kira usia. Tua ke muda.
And lastly,
Al-fatihah to nadiah haron's mother.
And seri's nenek.
Semoga roh kalian, ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Amiin.

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my new blogger-droid

2010-11-23T13:39:00.001+02:00

Huhhu.
Just downloaded new application for my android.
Ngeee. Blogger-droid.
So im trying this out.
Not sure whether it works or not.
But no harm trying rightt.
Teeheee :)

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kaffarah

2010-11-18T22:35:00.003+02:00

Okie. Holiday is at its end.
And raya haji too.
Skool is about to reopen soon.
And im sick.
Body is weak and aching.
And i have been taking ubats.
I really hope that this wont drag long.
SyafaniyaAllah..
And i hope so too..
That this is my kaffarah towards my sins.
Sins with Allah.. with people..
Ouh ya! Really hope to hear from my friends soon
They're so quiet since raya.
And if u happened to read this post.
And if i do you wrong. Tell me kays!
Love you people.
And i miss my family.
Internet is not so good this days.
Hmmph!
And yeah! I have to be strong.
Like forever. Ganbatte-ne !!

Signing off- from HTC

HAPPY EID!!

2010-11-16T04:15:00.002+02:00

happy eid everyone!! aidiladha is finally here..
eventhough numbers of kambings,
lembus and untas been slaughtered.
tak kisah kay. i still want to go solat raya.
and see them being slauthered. ekeke.

actually. i havent sleep yet. sobxie.
why why?? cox busy masak larh. erk.
not sure what's wrong with me today.
it's just that almost everything tak menjadi.
my sari jagung. instead of 4 water. i made it 4 sugar.
my nasi minyak instead of measuring it before rendam.
but i measure the amount after rendam.
and unfortunately exceed 1.5 litre of water!!!
paham ke. eventhough da kluarkan the excessive water.
erk. nasi dah masak. tapi still berair kays. :(
i really hope nasi ni menjadi.
cox aku niat nak kasi orang makan.
but if tak menjadi. sian kan.
and orang pon kluarkan duit jugak.
ya rabb. samahniyy. i really hope i worked out as planned.
like seriously. please ya Allah.
why am i so lalai. why am i so selenge. so kental tonight.
erk. i oso dunno. may be tired ke. hape ke.
or my mind is just not here. hermm. ntah la. diam je.

anw.. erk. with my sleepy eyes and mind.
jangan dengar khutbah nnati tertido sume sudaah.
erk. ade besar kemungkinan uh.
aiyooo! jab lagi da nak subuh.
cuma takot pening jeh nanti. tak cukop tdo, sobxiee :(

okkeh la. before i end my post.
naah.. SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILADHA... :)
kullu sanah.. wa entum thoyyibuun :))

ramblings. pfft!

2010-11-15T00:04:00.002+02:00

Pheww! Just finished watching hindi movie 'we are family'.
A sad, touching story that made me shed my tears. N swollen my eyes.
In contrary when i watche hanazakari kimi. Jap drama. So fuhnny!
Oh yes! I knew it! I slacked tooo much this past few days.
Tadi bukak fiqh. Few pages. Then movie. Haila!
Tomorrow plak. Will be very busy shopping barang rewang.
Gonna cook nasi minyak. InsyaAllah menjadi kays!
Lusa plak. Daah raya. Macam da lama tk raya aji in spore.
Speaking of that. Mahder has been very busy.
Rewang too. Making acar. Bamiah. And beriyani.
Wayy to go lah mahderr! I wanna follow ur footsteps laa (: insyaAllah.
Ouh ya. Finally i did something for my father. Am feeling happy.
But then, his last request.. erk. Tk dapat ditunaikn. Hmm ):
Ouh. Btw. Yesterday. For two nights. Kak yadh stayed over here.
Happy uh. But i didnt spend much time.
The first night. I was too sleepy. To chitchat.
The second night was too busy wit my work. For fahderr.
Hmm. Am sorry. Tak dapat layan sangat ):
Anw, insyaAllah esok nk puasa. But im having diarrhie right now..
Plus stomach pain pain. Ouch!
InsyaAllah esok okay kay. InsyaAllah puase ku diterima. (:
That's all i guess.

Signing off, from HTC.

new chapter

2010-11-13T13:19:00.002+02:00

hello. yes indeed. i have to open a new chapter.
and therefore. i need to close the old chapter.
and forget the past. ahha. its hard u know.
easier said than done. but yeah. i mst try la.
for my own good. for my future. for me.
apa yang terjadi. are the spices of my life.
terima kasih diatas kenangan nye ye :)

hey girl. move on.
dedicating this song to myself. ekeke.

"move on - rain bi"

"When are you going to stop crying
As you wait for someone who isn’t going to come, closing your heart firmly
Why won’t you see me
I’m waiting for you, who is waiting for him

Move on move on
You should just stop, that person isn’t coming
Open up my heart now

Let me be the one to hold you tight
Be the one you wait for every night
I’ll take that person’s seat now, I’ll do it
I will always be right by your side
I won’t leave you like that person did

My heart that’s seeing you like this
Is hurting the same way yours is because of that person
My gaze that is watching you
Is the same as your gaze that looks at the seat that person left

Move on move on
You should just stop, that person isn’t coming
Open up my heart now

Let me be the one to hold you tight
Be the one you wait for every night
I’ll take that person’s seat now, I’ll do it
I will always be right by your side
I won’t leave you like that person did

Turn around and look at me now, give me a chance too
The scar that person left
I’ll take it upon myself, making up for it forever by your side
So give me a chance

Move on move on
You should just stop, that person isn’t coming
Open up my heart now

Let me be the one to hold you tight
Be the one you wait for every night
I’ll take that person’s seat now, I’ll do it
I will always be right by your side
I won’t leave you like that person did"

truth hurts. but it lasts forever.
living in reality is hard. but that's the purpose.

my words

2010-11-12T02:43:00.002+02:00

upon my last post.
can i take back my words.
cox erm. macam tak ley terima kenyataan.
paham ke? the feeling sucks.
and i need to know. more. from others too.
sorry for jumping to conclusion. emo eh! haha.
if its true. then. i must accept the fact. okkeh.
a promise. is a promise. :)

balaghah

2010-11-12T01:38:00.002+02:00

i'm so reminded of my balaghah lesson that day.

''mustahil'' and '' ba'eed 'anil manaal''
i.e: perkara yang mustahil dan hard to chieve.

here goes my post for tonight.
lemme start with this lyrics..

"Izinkan diriku meluahkan rasa
Maafkanlah aku andai kau terasa
Biar kupaparkan apa yang terjadi
Moga engkau tak ulangi

Sungguh tak kusangka kau berpaling tadah
Setelah lamanya menjalinkan cinta
Dalam diam-diam kau sudah berpunya
Tanpa aku menyedari semuanya

Aku mendoakan agar kau bahagia
Bersama si dia insan yang kau suka
Percintaan kita tak sampai ke mana
Setakat di bibir saja sayang

Kau bina mahligai dari air mata
Yang jatuh berderai di wajah sepiku
Hancurnya hatiku bisa tak terkata
Terhumban rasa diriku

Oh aduhai ku masih ingati
Janji manis dan saat romantis
Kau pintaku supaya setia
Akhirnya kau yang berubah

Oh tuhanku tabahkan hatiku
Temukan ku dengan ketenangan
Jiwa ini dibelasah rindu tetapi apa dayaku

Kucuba pejam mata tapi tak terlena
Kerana ku masih teringat padamu
Begitu payahnya nak ku melupakan
Pernahkah engkau fikirkan oh sayang..."

a song by lestari.

this may be the second time. or the third post on the same song.
but i guess this is for real. may be.
cox may be i shud put this on an end.
for five years. i've been keeping you inside my heart.
for five years. i've been having crushehs on you.
for five years. i've been hoping that you would see me in return.
for five years. i've been dreaming of us together. one day.
but i guess it was a mistake.
liking you. crush on you. admiring you. was a total mistake.
you moved on. for good i guess. memang dah layak pon. hah.

thanks to a friend for letting me know.
and i shall put this to a stop.
kalau tak. sampai bila, 5 tahun lagi. haha.
thank eh bilang aku!
i owe you one! terima kasih.

for i guess. i have to move on too.
anw, tak yah bebel kay. suro concentrate balaj dulu.
cox i know. cuma. saya pin manusia jugak.
naj jugak uh bab feeling2 nie. heh.

for HE knows what's bestest for me.

for i will end this post with another azam in me.
ganbatte nurushie!

its just a post

2010-11-11T17:37:00.002+02:00

i fell sick on my frist day of holiday!
hahaha! my whole body is aching.
the feeling of hot and cold at the same time.
paham ke? tak selesa betol.
and meeting mr. tandas every now and then.
diam je kays. tekak pon diam je.
*tapi bedal bubur ayam 2 mangkuk*

anw, you always appear before me.
erm. nak tegur, tapi macam serram je.
saw latest pics of you. erm. diam je.
gemok eh! badan tuh. banyak ketak sangat.
hee. but i like you. period. heh.
kawaii-des! dah macam abang2 merangkap bapak2. erk.
erm. may u be happy with ur life!

my thoughts..

2010-11-10T20:11:00.002+02:00

ok. this will be my second post of the day.

i've been thinking about this for quite a long time.
ang it has been like playing around in my mind lately. heh.
its about my fahder. lol. its not about him la actually.
its about my actions. my reactions towards my fahder. lol.
sometimes. i feel that. i kinda lebihkan my mahder. den my fahder.
dari dulu. sampai sekarang. and when i realise. i just realise it.
but i didnt make any innitiative. of any move to make a diff.
i do nothing about it. its just the thoughts. period.
and sometimes. i feel so berdosa like that.
cox i kinda neglect him. ya RAbb. berdosa nye aku.
like his words. sometimes masuk kanan. and keluar kiri.
ouh my goodness, how rude i am. as a daughter. astaghfirullaah..
memang betul la.. its the mahder first. then fahder. (as what prophet said)
but hello! my name is nurushshahidah bte my fahder. lol.
asal eh. astaghfirullaah.
macam all the words he said. all his instructions.
aku amek endah tak endah. ya Rabb. berdosa nye aku.
its like. he's the one pergi kerja cari nafkah untuk aku.
kasi aku hidup. ( i mean makan pakai = hidup lah kan )
so yeah! asal ehhhhh! aaaaargh!!!
ok. i really want to make a move.
but when. aku cam cakap je pandai.
words. without actions. is useless. right?
adoyaiiiiiiiiiii!!!! kenape nieeeeeeee?????!!!

ok. mesti eh. berazam. untuk suatu perubahan.
okkeh! nurushie :)
cox i love my fahderr too <3

yesterday, today, tomorrow and future..

2010-11-10T13:17:00.002+02:00

YESTERDAY..

when we had our fiqh muhadarah..
we as in me and maisarah was the only wafidat left.
suddenly i guess dukturah realised. we are there!
i mean, ade wafidat.
so dukturah prompted us. whether we understand her lecturers.. etc.
so i voiced out la. at times. kita memang tak faham.
(cox dukturah bebual laju gila!)
so dukturah macam : kenapa tak bilang, tak pahham.. etc.
so kalau aku baca from buku, faham?
den guess what??? i was instructed to READ OUT LOUD.
PAHAM KEE????? malu gila boley?? kena baca. -.-
tersalah sana sini, siket sebanyak. paisey eh. -.-
then, dukturah tanye, from reading ko paham tak?
den i replied no! cox i was busy reading,.
then budak2 arab cm backing uh! baik pee :)
thanks eh korang! :)

TODAY..

dukturah balaghah asked me some questions.
erk. tak dapat jawab la abeyy!
i answered what i know. not what i've been asked.
HAHAHHAHA! ma3lish laa dukturah.
balaghah mia subject. susah sikett uh nak paham! hee :D

and yeah. while waiting for kak ulfa @ mahattah.
ade kambing bertanduk terlepas.
and de lari towards me. paham ke!
panicked and menggeletar la abeyy!
i walked ke kanan ke kiri. menggigil.
macam nak peluk je mama kat sebelah.
mama ni pon tak tau gaknye aku nga menggigil.
i'm officially scared of kambing NOW!
thanks eh!

TOMORROW..

my holiday starts tomorrow.
weehee. till next saturday.
happy eid everyone!
and therefore. no kambing for me!
terima kasih! :)

FUTURE..

after what happened.. today. and the day before..
aku tanamkan dalam hati.. satu semangat.. satu azam..
to really study extra extra hard. and smart la of cox.
to prepare by hand before coming into muhadarah.
which is to hafal plus faham the content from each muhadarah.
as so that i can answer whenever asked.
as so that i can raise up my hand volunteerily.
way to go nurush!
and this is my promise. insyaAllah.

jia you nurushie!!
you can do it!
erk. no excessive facebook-ing la of cox.
insyaAllah..
di mana ada kemahuan.. di situ ada jalan!!! :)

ALL PRAISES TO ALLAH

2010-11-06T19:00:00.002+02:00

alhamdulillah.. everything is fine now.
insyaAllah. really hope that it stays this way.
insyaAllah eh sisters. love you people.

tahlid dam finally over. -.-
tak rasa sakit uh. BUT. i cried.
cox my urat tak jumpa!!!!!!
abey doc tuh nak cocok kat opp tapak tangan.
paham ke??? tipis woo situh! tros takot. tros melalak,
paisey boley. at last doctor tuh korek2 lagi. den jumpa urat.
agaknye la. cox de cocok pon x rase. hahaha.
almaklums. bila perasaan lain da menylubungi. hahahah!
kental eh! paisey sae! tak pe la. benda nk berlaku.

and yeah. becox of this stupid tahlid dam.
and becox of this stupid incident.
i errmm. posted something. which isnt supposed to be posted.
haila! bukan niat ku begitu yeah buk! sorry! T.T

its like a thread.....

what more now?

2010-11-04T18:24:00.002+02:00

what more now.

i'm just so clueless.

tak paham la macam nie.

kenapa mesti perangai macam nie?

saya respect kamu sebagai kakak tau.

saya sayang kamu sebagai kakak tau.

but why must you play this silent game.

YOU'RE NOT HURTING ONE SOUL TAU.

YOU'RE HURTING AND PLAYING WITH OUR SOULS. AND YOURS BTW.

so what now?

CAN YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS GOING ON?

COX FOR BLOODY GOODNESS SAKE WE CARE. FOR YOU!

ITS JUST THAT WE ARE A BIT TIRED WITH YOUR GAMES!

if you think kita sakitkan hati kamu, BILANG!

if you think kita memekak gila ke hape, BILANG!

if you think we're irritating or what, BILANG!

if you think you can, and want to solve your own problem, BILANG!

i thought this thing is over. for ages.

i thought you have changed. for your own good. and ours.

i thought kamu dah sedar.

BUT THIS IS WHAT I THOUGHT. remember, MY THOUGHTS!

terserah pada kamu lah yer.

keputusan, semuanya di tangan kamu!

buat lah apa yang kamu rasa baik untuk kamu.

walaupin tak berapa baik utuk kami semua.

COX YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING IN YOUR OWN WORLD WHAT. ALWAYS.

WHAT MORE CAN I SAY!

semoga Allah bukakan pintu hati kamu.. dan juga pintu pintu hati kami.

anw, kita selama ni ''pura-pura'' demi menjaga hati kamu..

belajarlah untuk ''berpura-pura'' demi menjaga hati orang pula ye!

UJIAN

2010-11-02T17:22:00.002+02:00

yesterday was the biggest ujian i've ever had. faced.
ok. the story goes this wayy..
5 days ago. we received an instruction from dukrturah.
ada bahath yang nak kena hantar. subject ma'aajim.
so once received je. i start writing my bahath. semangat uh.
after i have written the bahath.
asma' (my arb friend) said that dukturah wants from HER muhadharah.
ok fine. so i came home and re-write back from the start.
and my sisters said inky pens are not advisable.
so i wrote for the forth time. with normal pen. -.-
so yesterday. when i came back from tuition..
i was supposed to finished up my second and third part of the bahath.
but instead.. i slack around first.. lepaks. fb-ing..
den aft magreb.. baru nak start buat..
than i realised. MY PAPERS AREN'T WITH ME.
THE PERFECT FIRST PART OF THE BAHATH!!!!!!
then i remembered. the last time. my bahath was with ustad mohamed.
which is at markaz. and its already NIGHT. FOR GOODNESS SAKE!
i called ustad. tak dapat. called. called. called. TAK DAPAT!!!!
then wen i used kak ulfa's. baru dapat! YARABB!
ustad cannot help anything. cox i guess he stays further away from markaz.
and i conclude, ask maisarah for notes budak arab.
and therefore... I RE-WROTE FOR THE FIFTH TIME!!!!
YA RABB! NAK NANGES!!!!!!! PENAT!! TANGAN PENAT GILA!!!
AND TODAY.. WHEN I WANTED TO PASS UP MY BAHATH..
DUKTURAH SAID: WAFIDAT PON BUAT BAHATH?? OKLA. PASS UP NEXT WEEK THEN.
NAK NAGESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
tp mungkin ada hikmah.. insyaAllah. belajar dari kesilapan ye nurush!
jangan lalai. jangan lengahkan kerja anda.
ade paham!!! lol!
learn from mistakes okkeh! dun ever repeat the same thing again.
orang yang pandai(?) tidak akan melakukan kesilapan DUA kali! lol.

THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY

2010-10-30T22:12:00.002+02:00

attended tafseer class today.
and for the first time in my school life.
i feel like standing up at shout or at least say to my lecturer.
''please. slow down a bit. u went to fast. and i cant catch you.''
my duktur went tooo fast. like seriously fast!
i can understand. cox he used some fushah terms.
and alhamdulillah, but tu uh. pening sae!
trying to catch up the the first sentence, he already move to the next one,
aiyoyoyoyo!!!!
rabbuna yusahhil insyaAllah :)

and another one that happened in school today.
when i queued to buy books.
with the hot weather and lalats here and there.
and the arabs like aaargh!!!!
they just potong my line, and no rules, and aaargh!
menguji kesabaran aku sangat sangat.
lagi siket nak nanges. dah bertakung dah.
ya rabb! budak budak arab nie, menguji kesabana betoool!
samahniy ya rabb!

but alhamdulillah.
when i came back home. my tensions been released.
by the presence of 4 kakaks in the house.
with their keletahness. diff charachters. diff personalities.
i just love them. kak ulfa. kakchik. kak mar n kak fyda.
thank you guys sooo much! thanks for appearing in my life.
shine my days with ur jokes and keletahs. thank u thank u sooo much!!

alhamdulillah. but i miss my mahderr! T.T

feeling feeling macam paham :P part 2

2010-10-28T16:02:00.004+02:00

and here goes another post on my feeling.
the feelings that i'm feeling right now.
suddenly, suddenly, i miss singapore.
i miss my family. i miss atok nenek.
i miss my mahder. and i miss her the most!

rasa macam baru hari tu. sampai spore.
and made a surprise for atok.
and ate prata! lol ehk.
and how shifaa looked at me.
like for the ''first'' time in her life.
and her awkwardness. hahahah!
and how my house looked. after a year.
and almost everything seemed different.
heh. and the way i breathed in the air.
hahahahah! and how the comfortable the taxis are.
ouh. i just love spore!

and two-half months later..
changed tix. again and again.
and like almost everyday and night.
went out to shop with mahder!!!
and how we shop till drop!
hahahahhah! lalalalala!

and everything keep playing.
keep popping. keep showing.
in my mind. lalalalalalal!

everything went so fast. too fast actually.
entahlah, qaddaraAllah..

charging myself. and trying to focus more.
and trying to be serious in class.
and trying my bestest to understand.
and hafal all the things needed to hafal.
insyaAllaah :)

jia you nurushie.. cepat cepat habis.
lagi dua tahun. then can stay in spore kays.
insyaAllah :)

p.s: u appeared in my dreams. i can see you very clearly.
can you appear again??

ALHAMDULILLAH

2010-10-24T21:19:00.001+02:00

alhamdulillah..
my sisters are finally home.
home sweet home to family of Rayyan.
i'm happy. i'm excited. i'm thankful to Allah.
alhamdulillah..
no more lonely nights.
no more staying alone.
no more cooking alone.
no more being alone.
no more a-l-o-n-e.
no more l-o-n-e-l-y-n-e-s-s

i'm so blessed to have them as my sisters.
-they are my family here. in egypt.
-they make me happy.
-they were always there for me.
-they help me forget about singapore. for awhile.
as so that i wont brood or be sad over missing REAL family.
and i just love them.

thank you Allah. for giving me the chance to know them.
to live with them. :)
heeee. alhamdulillah..
may my future days.. be a brighter cheerful,
blissful day. insyaAllah, amiin :)

feeling feeling macam paham :P

2010-10-23T14:13:00.002+02:00

ouh kay! just came back from pasar. lol.
went to pasar alone? ape ke halnye?
ntah. mixture of feelings laa.
tak sabar to meet my kakaks la.
cox being alone is sooo... bleargh! borring kays!
even though i either go to mai's house for overnights.
or bring along a friend home.
its just not the same.
sooo not same!
so,, i just cant wait for them to come back!!
come back sooon plixxx! :)

okkeh. missing my mahder. sooo much!
anw, we chatted on family thingy yesterday.
with kak zu at mai's house la.
so we touched about mother-daughter relationship.
father-daughter relationship.
and kak zu kinda wakey wakey me up!
she said. even though we're not that close wit our father.
just go and and get close wit him.
send him sms-es. tanya khabar. this and that.
and then i realise. adoyaii!
i seems so unfair. true enough.
selama aku tinggal kat sini.
esp last year, i remembered sending him just ONE sms.
ituh pon time his birthday.
astaghfirullaah. melampaunyeeee!!!
ok. bukan saya tak sayang,
cuma dengan father ni.. ade masalah siket.
tahap keseganan de tuh cm menyibuk je!
nak sae thank u pon susah.
nak sae sorry pon susah.
nak sae i love u, lagilah susah.
asal eh??? entah la.
memang teringin nak manja manja.
memang teringin nak peluk peluk.
memang teringin nak ucap thank u selalu.
memang teringin nak ucap sorry.
memang teringin nak ucap i love u dad!
tapi PAISEY okkeh!!!
paisey de tahapp gaban mia!
tahap macam kalau sebut tuh,
nak tanam and timbus muka dalam pasir.
paham keee? entah la.
ma3lish la fahderr.. cox selama ni x pernah show affection.
tak call ke. mesej ke..
insyAllah.. saya akan cuba! cuba untuk merapatkan lagi..
sillaturrahmi antara saya dengan fahder saye!
insyaAllah :)

pssst. tapi saya tetap sayang mak saya lebih siket :P
can Nabi kata.. ''mak.. mak.. mak.. den bapak :)''

RINDU

2010-10-21T16:54:00.002+02:00

'' rindu itu adalah.. anugerah dari Allah..''
-quoted from HIjjaz

okkeh. i miss my mahder la!!!
and the only way to lessen this feeling is..
to busy myself laa. aboh-den! hahah.
and to spend time with other ''family'' members.
like my kakaks.kakchik n kakulfa. definitely.
but unfortunatelyyy.....
they're not in town!!!!! ya rabbb!!!
nak nanges... cepat balik laaa!!!! nurush sorang sorang tauu!!!!
cepat baliiiiikkkkkk!!!!

ok. kerana perasaan ni mencucuk cucuk pangakal hati saya.
saya tak terdaya nk post lagi.

sorry for the siao-ness. chiao!

my first day of school

2010-10-20T14:10:00.003+02:00

20th October 2010.

it was my first day of school.
and alhamdulillah. everything went out well.
although i felt some awkwardness. a bit.
but alhamdulillah. i made it!
some of my arab frens remembered me.
and of cox i remembered them. lol.
class. lectures was o-kay lah.
i didnt quite get on balaghah.
but i made in nahu. alhamdulillah.
okay fine! i skipped my english! heh!

and its already weekend! lol.
insyaAllah.. like wat atok said;
''bangunan baru.. semangat pon mesti baru''
insyaAllah.. jia you nurush!!
insyaAllah.. i really hope i can cope wit this year's lesson.
insyaAllah.. di mana ada kemahuan. di situ aja jalannya.
insyaAllah..

hello egypt

2010-10-18T18:28:00.002+02:00

alhamdulillah. touched down on the 15th of October 2010. at 5.45am.
everything was fine. but my feeling aren't stabled yet. heh.
i remembered on my first day here.
after our musyrifs and mai made their move.
i started to clean and clear. here and there.
changed my bedsheets. swept my bedroom.
and i felt sooo lonely. never felt so lonely like this before.
i have no family members beside me. nor my rayyan family here.
alahai!! tros melalak laa.. ape lagi.
i need only one soul at that moment. my mahder!
i really really wish she was here. with me.
nangis nangis sampai tertidur kat katil. so dramatic! haha!

now, alhamdulillah. everything is a bit okkeh la.
thanks to mai n kak zuzu. for the overnights.
and thanks to my malaysian friend fidah for accompany-ing me here.
thanks Allah for the strength. so far. trying very hard. to stabilize.
and erase all the emo emo. huhhu!
jia you nurush! ganbatte!

to mahder, i will always miss u.
downloaded skype n pfingo already.
and bills paid already.
so insyaAllah can anytime anyhow calling calling la! huhhh!!

ok. till then. fi hifzillah.. wa ri3ayatillah :)

DAY AFTER

2010-10-12T18:42:00.003+02:00

OI!! ITS DAY AFTER TOMORROW LA.
ITS OFFICIALLY TAU! 12AM ALREADY!

OI!! STOP THE TIME LA DEYY!
I'M NOT READY YET OKKEH!

OI!! CAN I CHOOSE TO JUST SUDDENLY IN EGYPT?
I DUN FEEL LIKE BIDDING THEM FAREWELLS LAA!

OI!! I STILL WANT TO BE IN SINGAPORE!
I WANT TO BE WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

OI!! CAN I BRING THE WHOLE FAMILY THERE??
SO WE WON'T GET SEPARATED!

OI!! ITS DAY AFTER TOMORROW LA!!
AND I'M NOT READY YET!!

OI!! AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH! T.T :S O.o

how should i ...?

2010-10-07T20:44:00.005+02:00

how should i put it??

how should i place it??

how should i say it??

how should i phrase it??

how should i ..?

the clock is ticking faster than usual.
or was it just my feelings? i guess so.
i'm left with 6 days. ouh my!
and my days are getting packed and packed.
a family gathering on saturday.
sunday will be collection day and kenalan-meet up day.
monday and tuesday will be my shop-makanan day!
and left with wednesday.. may be for visiting day.
ouh man! its just getting nearer and nearer.
faster and faster..

dan bila saat saat akhir.. aku nak pergi ni.
macam macam masalah timbul.
after one another.. ujian ke?
please la eh. all these lousy people.
STOP coming into our life. and simply ruin everything!
GO AND GET A LIFE. ON UR OWN WILL YA!
nak bina kebahagiaan orang atas penderitaan orang lain??
BULLSHIT! dah tak de kerja lain ke ape?
nak susahkan hidup orang je tau.
bila tak nak perlukan khidmat orang,
ko singkir.. ko sisihkan..
bila ko susah.. ko panggil balik..!
perangai mengalahkan binatang!!
Allah beri kita akal.. mana letak??
kat bontot?? gunakanlaa!

if you people dare to hurt my mother's feelings..
YOU GUYS BETTER WATCHOUT! FUCKERS!

astaghfirullahh.. astaghfirullahh.. astaghfirullahh.
ya Allah.. Kau peliharalah keluarga aku dengan sepenuh peliharaan.
Kau lindungilah keluarga aku dari sebarang mala petaka,
hasad dan dengki manusia yang tak berhati perut ni.
Kau tetap kanlah hati hati kami kepada jalan-Mu yang benaar.
hanya kepada-Mu lah aku meminta pertolongan.

p.s : tetiba sedih la pulaak! nak tinggalkan keluarga..
dengan keadaan macam nie.. ape jalan penyelesaiannye ehk? o.O

A WEEK FROM NOW..countdown

2010-10-06T20:19:00.002+02:00

A WEEK FROM NOW..

will be the 14th of Oct 2010.
my departure date.
ouh my! in seven days time..

A WEEK FROM NOW..

i'll be flying off again.
just like the previous year.

A WEEK FROM NOW..

i'll be leaving my family behind.
to pursue my dreams.

A WEEK FROM NOW..

A WEEK FROM NOW..

ONE.
TWO..
THREE...
FOUR....
FIVE.....
SIX......
SEVEN.......

singapore to egypt?? T.T

KERANA AWAK

2010-10-04T19:05:00.004+02:00

kadang kadang saya teringin nak wall post awak.
kadang kadang saya teringin nak comment status awak.
kadang kadang saya teringin nak like photos awak.
kadang kadang saya teringin nak pm awak.

tapi.. saya tau,,

kalau saya wall post awak- nanti apa orang kata.
kalau saya comment status awak- awak kata saya keypoh.
kalau saya like photos awak- macam nampak saya suka.
kalau saya pm awak- awak mana pernah layan.

tapi.. saya cuma,,

nak berkawan je dengan awak.
nak biasa biasa je dengan awak.
macam mana saya berkawan dengan org lain.
macam mana saya biasa biasa dengan orang lain.

tapi.. saya takot,,

awak ingat saya nak ''kawan'' denga awak macam dulu.
awak ingat saya nak kacau awak macam dulu.
awak ingat saya nak pester awak macam dulu.
awak ingat saya nak perigi cari timba awak macam dulu.

tapi.. saya tahu,,

itu semua dulu.
itu semua dah tak da.
itu semua dah lama terkubur.
itu semua ''nightmare'' semata.
itu semua zaman kuno.
itu semua zaman jahiliyah saya.

tapi.. saya nak,,

kawan je dengan awak.
tanye tanye khabar je dengan awak.
nak wall post awak on birthday awak.
nak comment status awak, pictures awak.

jadi.. kadang kadang tuh..
saya paisey.
malu tapi mahu?
entah la..

yang penting.. saya anggap awak sahabat okkeh :)

PARENTS' XPECTATIONS & CHILD'S..??

2010-10-02T19:21:00.003+02:00

i just came back from supper at spize.
wanie, adie and myself..
we decided to walk home.
so we actually did some talkings.
and what's their impression towards the parents.
and what's their opinion.. experience and all.

just to make a conclusion,
semua parents nak kan yang terbaik buat anak anak.
they just dont want the anak anak to be like them,
just like them, in their zaman 'jahiliah'.
cox they makan garam dulu kan..
more experienced. and know about the asam garam of life.
so they just want the bestest for the children..
without realising.. or knowing what the child feels/felt.
without understanding the child's situations and all.
sometimes..parents cuma tau nak nag here.. nag there..
blame here.. blame there.. tanpa sebab,
or even tak nak dengar pon sebab sebenarnya..

so now what? nak salahkan parents ke?
kerana tak paham situasi anak?
or nak salahkan anak ke?
kerana tak nak parents 'buat' mereka jd terbaik?

i'm not sure myself..
so far, kehidupan aku biasa.
for what i know..
my parents want the bestest for me.
and want the bestest out of me.
so far, aku dengar je. sam3an wa too3atan.
tapi kadang2.. sifat rebelious tuh ade.
biasalah.. kata remaja. nak meningkat nie.
diff from my other siblings perspective.
how they are treated.. differently.

entahlah.. harapan aku..
semoga rumahtangga aku ni rukun.
dilindungi Allah dari sebarang kecelakaan.
semoga Allah tetapkan hati mereka..
dan aku kepada kebaikan.

Wallahu a3lam.
sesungguhnya.. di setiap perkara yang terjadi.
di setiap perkara yang bakal berlaku..
pasti ada hikmah yang tersirat.
ku serahkan segalanya kepada yang Maha Berkuasa.

A MOTHER'S LOVE & A DAUGHTER'S INSTINCT

2010-10-01T17:32:00.003+02:00

a mother's love..
a daughter's instinct..

12 more days to my departure.
i'm flying back to egypt.
to pursue my studies.
and ma is acting kinda weird.
with her teary eyes.
i knew. i feel. i sensed.
she's sad. for i will be leaving her.
again. for the second time.
i know its hard for her to let me go.
and it's hard for me as well.
the feeling of separation.
it just hurts. deeply!
but i have to sacrifice.
this is my sacrification.
i sacrifice my time. my presence wit family.
to achieve this.
in order to get something.
we just need to sacrifice rite.
so mother, sacrifice this for me kays.
3 more years left insyaAllah.
and i won't leave u again. insyaAllah.
even if i were to cont..
then, malaysia it shall be :)
and i'll be back to serve u kays mother.
right now, i just need u to redha all my decisions.
please kays mother. just ur blessings.
cox Allah's blessings is with ur blessings.
just wait a little longer kays.
just 3 more years.
you know how fast time flies right :)
insyaAllah it'll be a very fast one.

it's not that i'm happy.
people might conclude that i'm happy to be there.
far from parent's view. freedom.
i neva think of that.
separation hurts btw.
its just we have to hold onto it a bit.
''bersusah susah dahulu, bersenang senang kemudian''
insyaAllah la kays :)
sebenarnya saya takut nak tinggalkan keluarga.
saya tak nak ape yang berlaku tahun lepas kembali lagi.
tanpa kehadiran saya di sisi keluarga saya.
untuk menghadapi nya bersama.
untuk mengharungi nya bersama.
menelan pahit manisnya bersama.
saya tak nak madey saya terluka lagi.
saya tak nak lihat airmatanya mengalir lagi.
saya tak nak lihat hatinya tercalar lagi.
sesungguhnya saya amat sayangkan keluarga saya.

Ya Allah.. hanya pada-Mu lah aku memohon.
dan pada-Mu lah aku meletakkan harapan ku.
peliharalah keluarga aku.
lindungilah keluarga aku.
awasilah keluarga aku.
jangan biarkan ada yang terluka.. sakit.
hanya pada-Mu sahajalah aku meletakkan harapan.
hanya engkau sahajalah yang Maha berkuasa atas segalanya.
amiin amiin amiin ya Rabbal 'aalamiin :)

Rabbighfiliy wa liwalidayya warhamhuma kama rabbayaniy soghiraa.
rabbana aatina fiddunya hasanah
wa fil aakhirati hasanah waqina 'adzabannaaar! amiin.

HAPPY, HAPPY-ING, HAPPINESS

2010-09-28T05:04:00.003+03:00

26th SEPT 2010.

1. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BESTEST FREN, MARKONAH!
happy 20th birthday bestie.
may Allah shower his blessings to you and family.
may our friendship last forever.
aku doakan.. semoga ko happy.. berjaya dunia akhirat.
aku doakan.. semoga jodoh ko and faizal berkekalan hingga ke akhirnya.
amiin amiin amiin insyaAllah..
wallahi.. uhibbuki fillah. abadan abada biiznihi!
my bff! :)

2. Raya Outing of Batch 09/10
alhamdulillah. it wnet out very very well.
i was happy. and everyone was happy too.
thanks ppl. for making this happen.
thanks la layan.. esp idi,tifaa,syafiee..
yang almost every hour kene serbu call. hihhi.
insaAllah persahabatan yang terjalin ni kekal.
satu je wish, harapan aku..
semoga kita ni bersatu.. as the batch of 09/10..
no longer maarifians.. no longer aljuneidians.. nor w.tanjongians..
baarakallaahu fiiku.. wa ahsana ilaikuu..dunnya wal aakhirah!
biiznihi insyaAllah :)

28th SEPT 2010.

i officially turned 20.
dah tua jugak aku ni rupenye..
no longer wujud digit 1 infront. heh.
kini aku genap 20 tahun.
insyaAllah dengan azam baru.. aku ingin perunahan dalam diri ini.
merubah kepada yang baik.. lebih baik dan terbaik.
insyaAllah.. Ya Rabb. aku pimpin aku demi merealisasikan azam ku ini.
insyaAllah aamiin.

anw, its confirmed that my departure date is on th 14th.
i guess its getting nearer and nearer..

and i guess..
saat saat perpisahan semakin dekat.
saat saat kesedihan semakin dekat.
saat saat airmata semakin dekat.

ya rabb. kuatkan aku kay.
padamu mu sahaja yang aku mampu meminta pertolongan.

SAYUP

2010-09-24T20:00:00.002+03:00

perasaan yang saya alami sekarang ni..satu je.. SAYUP.mula mula.. memang perasaan nak balik sana tu tak sabar.. tak sabar nak mula kuliah. apatah lagi.. alhamdulillah dapat naik tahun.. tak sabar nak teroka ilmu ilmu baru.. tak sabar nak jumpa dengan kawan kawan. memang tak sabar. bila dapat berita yang azhar dah buat undang undang baru.. dan perlukan saya untuk kembali lebih awal. tetiba perasaan ni terbalik jadinya. tetiba saya rasa begitu beraat sekali nak tinggalkan keluarga. SAYUUP rasanya. berat lah hati nak tinggalkan keluarga ni. ntah. saya macam tak nak tinggalkan keluarga saya.. dengan masalah yang menimbul.. saya tak nak tinggal kan mak saya hadapi masalah de sendirian.. saya berat hati la. saya takut.. kalau apa apa terjadi pada keluarga saya. nauzubillah.. tapi saya tiada di sisi mereka untuk membantu.. saya tiada di sisi untuk mengharungi nye bersama. saya jadi takut. saya takut andai trajedi tahun lepas.. nauzubillah.. kembali.. saya takot la. saya tak sampai hati nak berpisah lagi. kenapa perasaan saya macam ni?? ya Allah.. tetapkanlah hati saya.. agar teguh.. tegas dengan pendirian saya. cekalkan lah hati saya. agar saya tidak begitu lemah untuk menghadapi semua ini. lindungilah keluarga saya. peliharalah mereka. awasilah lah mereka. jauhkanlah mereka dari sebarang masalah. kesusahan. kesempitan. hanya padaMu lah aku berharap.. bergantung.. Rabbana aatina fid dunya hasanah.. wafil aakhirati hasanah waqinaa 3adzabannaaar!

KAMPUNG

2010-09-22T20:55:00.002+03:00

i wish to visit kampung. real soon. i hope so.

its just a wish. aniway.

UPDATES

2010-09-20T06:30:00.002+03:00

lama sungguh tak meng-update dan meng-blog. haha.
kk. what should i start with??

1. innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rooji'uun.
al baqaa'u lillaah..
Raja Ramlah aka Tok Lah aka Nek Lah passed away.
PMs on the 17th Sept, Friday.
i dunno what to sae.
its just that alhamdulillah she finally passed.
its not that i'm happy to let her go.
its just that, i witnessed, how she suffered from this.
she had a cancer, diabetes.. and many more.
her blood circulation didnt run well.
her lower parts of the body hardened.
her legs turned black due diabetes and itched.
siann kaan. ya Rabb. Tempat kan la beliau dikalangan
orang orang yg kau kasihi. tempatkanlah beliau
di sebaik baik tempat di sana.
Tok.. Maafkan Noshaida.. sebab tak dapat visit tok
for the last tyme. semoga Tok aman di sana..
dan sehingga kita berjumpa lagi.. insyaAllah (:

2. we had an open house last saturday.
it went well. every one is satisfied. very very.
with ma's cookings. we served them nasi minyak jagung,
sambal tumis udang, sambal goreng pengantin,
daging masak kicap black pepper and some common kuihs
and cakes on a buffet.
alhamdulillah.. sume macam happy.
and rumah penoh sangat sampai tak terlayan.
and i really feel so guilty towards Nek Piah and fam.
i feel so bad sae. i didnt get the chance to sit and talk.
cox i was busy with my friends..hmm. sobxiee.
sorry sangat sangat.... lahai!!
and a bit terkilan.. wit my azharian friends.
so senyapp like that. tak pe la
husnuzzon- dorg sebok keje... hee.
and thanks to beloved aida and hafiza..
for the surprise. heee. syg korg sangat2.. heee.

3. raya outing of batch 09/10.
dunno what to say. really hope its a success.
susah jugak. kalo tak beri kerjesame.. yela.. saye paham.
sapelah saya nk plan plan ni sumee.
tak pela. saya harap sume terhibur la ehk! heee :D
we'll see how it'll turn. heh!

4. about the sec last post.
about the misunderstandings wit this friend.
i assume it has ended. but i still feel the awkwardness
and the coldness between us. hmm.
i really hope this will end soon.
i miss u friend! <3

** there's more to say.
but i just dunno. lupa. or tired eh.
ntah. hee. anyways.. a month to my departure..
sobxieeee! tapi saya tak sabar la nak balik sana.
rindu pada mesir.. heee (:
egypt, i'm coming!! insyaAllaah.

EID MUBAARAK

2010-09-13T23:19:00.003+03:00

Salam Eidulfitfri to all..
let's talk about raya shall we.. yeay!!
i'm so happy to be able to celebrate raya with my family,
here in Singapore.
pakai baju pon accidentally boria.
orange and black.
i had fun.
eventhough we started quite late on our first syawal.
and some kecoh-ness happened.
but alhamdulillah. we managed to visit the elderly.
second was awesome. the part where 5 families merged.
2 cars.. and a 30-seater bus.
house to house. from family to friends.
even atok and nenek joined.
sanggup close-house on the second day.
cute and sweet la! huhhu!
but of cox.. there's always the BLUERK part.
haila! ape lagi.. time time aku kenek kutuk la..
this time. terok rabak mia!
sampai suruh tengok punggung aku segalak!
ape case! ni dah kira tahap KURANG AJAR la jugakkan.
nak suruh tengok2 pantat aku yg kononnya cam pantat arab!!
SIAKK je! aku pon ader harga diri..
ni dah kira aib..
abey claim gurau gurau. MOTHERFUCKER!!!
YOURE A PERVERT YOU KNOW!!!
TENGOK TENGOK PANTAT ORANG! APEHALL??
I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS DAY.
NOT A MATTER OF REVENGE!
BUT HARGA DIRI BEB!
suatu hari nanti.. taulah..
langit tuh tinggi ke rendah!!!
semoga Allah jela yg membalass.
ape naseb dapat keluarga cam nie.
satu mengutuk.. satu napsi napsi..
INNALILLAHI WA INNAILAIHI RIJIUUUN.

sorry for my harsh words.
if u people are in my shoes.
i guess.. lagi terok sae! haha!

sembarang uh!

berazam nak jadi vegeteranian plus seafoodian. huh?
hahahahhahahhahah!

TAKKAN PUTUS AIR YG DICINCANG

2010-09-06T23:54:00.003+02:00

It was a mistake. Misunderstanding..
I know its my fault. I shouldnt have sent u the message.
But dear friend. Like i said..
Aku tak berniat nak tertawakan kao..
Aku tak berniat nak pandang rendah pada kao..
Aku tak berniat nak perlekehkan kao..
Kan aku dah kata..
Aku datang.. sebagai seorang sahabat..
Yang sangat sangat sangat sayangkan sahabatnye..
Life is like a 3D image.
We have to see it in all angles.
But sometimes.. we can only see the 2D image.
Our one eyed-angle. And that's when we need others for the bal angles.
And thats life..
I'm not saying that im good enough to see ur other angles.
Its just my humble thoughts.
And the way i deliver it.. is quite harsh.
I know ure upset about it.
Aku tau ko kecik hati dengan kata kata aku..
Aku cuma nak ko tau. Nak ko nampak. Nak ko sedar.
Pasal aku sayang kan ko.
Aku tak nak tengok ko merana. Kecewa.
Cox aku tau, berat mata memandang.. berat lagi bahu memikul.
Macam paham je kan.. macam real je..
Tp tulah kenyataannye..
Aku da anggap ko mcm adeq aku. Kakak aku.
So aku x nak ko stress.. sedey.. nanges..
And aku tau.. mungkin aku yg sebab kn ko stress.. sedey.. nanges..
With wat that i've said to u.
Tp aku yakin.. yg de mcm ubat.. pada awalnye pahit..
Tp mendatangkn kebaikan.. sehat..
Macam paham je kan bobal.. macam la aku ni bagos sgt..
Tak.. aku pon tak pahamm. Aku pon tak bagos.
Pasal aku pon tengok life aku on one angle je.
Sebab tu aku perlukan kao plak.
Untuk tengokkan aku the other angles if my 3D life.
Itu je. And aku nk kao tau. Aku sayangkan kao.
Dan aku nakkan yang terbaik buat kao.
Simply becox.. ure my BFF.. bestest friends forever.
InsyaAllah.. biiznilllaaah ..
And yeah, dengan kesempatan ini,
Ku susun sepuluh jari. Pohon ampun dan maaf, zahir dan batin.
Atas segala kesilapan aku pada kao.
Semoga persahabatan kita berkekalan..
Cox.. 'air yg dicincang takkan putus'
Wallahu ta'aala a'lam.
Demi Tuhan.. sebagai manusia.. sahabat: aku sayang kao.
Selamat Hari Raya!! Kullu sanah we enti toyyibah. (:

RAMADHAN 2009M/1430H

2010-09-02T22:00:00.003+02:00

Ramadhan 2009/1430.

1. my very first ramadhan in Egypt aka out of spore.
2. it was a short one. (as in the duration: 330am-6pm)
3. i always cook nasi goreng for sahur. fastest and easiest.
4. i didnt sleep. only after sahur. (no wonder. so. FAT!)
5. chatted on MSN the whole night. plus movie marathon.
6. i cried on my first terawih. i just missed terawih-ing wit atok.
7. cooked bamiah for iftar. very first one. turned out very nice.
8. iftar at gamie3. what an experience!
9. shop here and there wit kak iman and kak saliha. it was great!
10. iftar at ambassador's villa. and ey said i looked like a kakak2.
11. up and down. sometimes at beit adawiyah. and sometimes at beit nabil.
12. had the greatest time. memories. with aidah and hafizah. totally fun!
13. first pis-choc wit aidah.
14. exchanged food wit jiran. bamiah-cincau??
15. tak berape menjadi kuih keria. had the chance to give to an abla.
16. night shopping at ganena. ended up walking instead of taking taxi.
17. had a sister angkat by the name of sayli??. HAHAHA. ROFL!
18. there's more..
19. there's more..
20. more..
21. more actually..
22. uncounted memories that i treasure..
23. and insyaAllah i will remember them, forever? i guess.
24. and i'm just happy to be back in spore for ramadhan and raya..
25. but i miss ramadhan-ing in Egypt.
26. next year may be.. who knows.. (:
27. that's all i guess.
28. its 4.30 am singapore time.
29. and i guess i'll just wait for sahur.
30. no overnight chatting.. no movie marathon..
31. eyes. wait a little longer.
32. good night.
33. good morning!

LOOKS

2010-08-26T19:18:00.002+02:00

This few days. Hmm. I just feel a lil bit down. Disheartened. Dissappointed. Sad. And almost all the negative feelings. In this era.. does looks really that important to everyone. Does looks and appearances happened to be the mist priority in everything. Do i have to look good. Pretty and slim to be friends wit u all. I tot this thing has ended already dyring my secondary school life. And i just didnt expect it to happen in my uni life. Huh?
Do i gave to be as pretty n soft as ms L and as petite and small as ms M? Whats happening man! I just couldnt stand this sny longer. Im feeling very very very sad. If i were to gave lotsa moneyy. I wld have gone to london weight management w/o hesitation.
Andai satu hari nanti aku jadi cantiqq. Jgn sebok nk terhegeh2 nk kawan dengan aku. Kerana aku tak akan sekali kali anggap org yg memntingkan kecantikan luaran lebih dari dalaman sebagai kawan. Apatah lagi sahabat!

O' YOU MY BELOVED

2010-08-25T16:02:00.002+02:00

yesterday was 14th Ramadhan.
4 years back. My maternal auntie- hjh Rashidah aka cik tin passed away.
She died of cancer.
And its been 4yrs alreadyy!
How time flies..
I remembered.. the day before.
Nenek told me that her condition worsened.
So she asked me to go and visit her @ hosp.
Since i didnt have the chance to visit her there.
Not even once. So the next morn, ma woked me up.
With the news. She passed away.
That morn ard 4am+.
I was disheartened. I regretted.
Cox i didnt get to see her for the last time.
Before she passed away.
And the last time was at atok's house.
Before she was admitted to hosp.
I spent time a bit there.
And i remembered. She was lying on her table-bed.
Not sure sleeping or not- and i went to salam her.
But she was kinda angry or reluctant.
And i heard her tsk-ing.
And that was the last. Den i never see her.
Until she was brought home. Already gone.

There are some little things that i remembered.
She was a kind lady. Tak lokek. Not as pemarah as madey.
She used to always help me wit malay homeworks.
Especially the peribahasa part.
I always asked her for meanings.
She was my madey's bestest friend.
The one she was very very closed with.
She spent her day.. most of her time chatting wit cik tin.
And i know that this is one of my mother's greatest loss.
Cik tin has this one smile. One laugh that insyaAllah i will always remember.
And she has this one place that she used to sit.
And i will always imagine her sitting there with that one smile. and that one laugh.

And she will always be here in my heart. InsyaAllah. Abadan abada!
May she rest in peace. And placed among HIS love ones.
Di kalangan org2 soleh dan solehah. Aamiin.

Al-fatihah.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Alhamdulillah. I changed my return tix already.
Changed to 23rd oct.
Alhamdulillah ada seat..
Thanks to mai n cik jamil for sending me plus bringing me along.
Tqqqqq.
Misr i'm coming backk! InsyaAllah.
Year two.. will begin soon insyaAllah.
Rabbuna yuaahhil. Aamiin.

JOY-DOUBLE HAPPINESS :D

2010-08-23T17:09:00.002+02:00

Alhamdulillah.. all results are out already.
And mabrook to all my frens.
Esp mai n jannah. I saw them working really hard.
Doing notes. And all.
All their efforts paid off
Alhamdulillah.. wa syukrulillah.

I remembered.
I didnt attend kuliah for almost two months.
Cox we moved out . Pindah.
Den i was sick fer two weeks.
Den i remembered- saying this to myself:
" u skipped kuliah.. ko di uji wit this.
InsyaAallah ada hikmah nye.."
And i guesss its right.
This may be the hikmah for me.
Wallahu a'lam. HE knows best!
Further more. Ni bumi anbiyaa.
Bumi kinanah. Unexpected.
Full of mysteries and surprises.
Just hope for the best for us all.
Rabbuna Yusahhil. Ameen.

To my year 4 sisters. Bittaufiqq kays!
InsyaAllah kheir!

And to my dearest sister..
Its the CLIMB..
"dont brood over the dark clouds.
For there will be a beautiful rainbow..
Shining through"
InsyaAllah ameen (:

I WISH

2010-08-22T21:50:00.002+02:00

I really wish that i can be cut into halves.
Half of me staying at home doing housechores.
And another half helping out at neneks house.
Doing whatever i've been doing la.
Laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.

I wish i had clones.
As so to station them at neneks house.
And at mak nyais house..
To help out with the housechores.
Equally. And as so that tak de org ckp i'm being bullied.

I wish i'm rich.
So that i can go to New York skin centre.
And London weight management to do.somw suckings!
And so that can be a better prettier and be more confident of myself.

I wish i'm smart.
For i can think critically, out of the box.
As so that people would never use me again.
For granted!

I wish i can turn back time.
As to ammend back all the mistakes that i've done.
And all the path that i've taken.

I wish i'm more pious!
Cox i know i'm a sinner.

And.. i can only wish!

P.s: i heard that all results are out.
Whatever the rsults may turn..
Be it good or bad, redha kay!
All the best. Afterall.. ITS THE CLIMB!!

JODOH

2010-08-22T17:58:00.003+02:00

huhhu! what a title.
actually. i just received a news from a friend.
that she is getting married.
and she invited me la to her wedding.
masyaAllah, alf mubarak to u and ur husband (future).
tak sangka eh.
i already have a married friend.
and an engaged friend. and a wife-to-be friend.
these are the friends that was in the same class as me la.
i'm just so happy for them. best eh.
kawan kita dah nak kawin..
dah nak jadi isteri orang..
dah nak jadi menantu orang..
dah nak jadi mak orang plak..
mesti la orang kan. (crap!)
huhhu. best eh!
me? haha! diam je.
bf pon tak de. tp ade bf. gettit?? HAHAH~
lalalalalala~
whatever it is..
i still believe and still holding on to ust shiks words:
" u dun have to find love..
when the time comes.. it will come to u."
yeah! way to go za shiks!
and now, aku kena concentrate balaja dulu kays.
kalo tahun satu jayyid..
tahun dua jayyid jiddan kays.
den tahun tiga mumtaz..
tahun empat mumtaz syaraff!
insyaAllah ameeennn!
like what kak bunge always says:
" aim for the highest.. mumtaz.
for if we fall.. at least jatuh kat j.jiddan kann.."
insyaAllah ameen!
go nurushie!!! (:

BLOOD-TIES

2010-08-16T19:45:00.002+02:00

I've been thinking about this for quite a long time. It's a sad thing to know that u're family members just don't acknowledge you. For some misunderstandings that happened long long tine ago. Eventhough i've cleared it out. And some kind people have explained, it just didn't work out. Hmm. I'm a human afterall.. we do make mistakes. And can never stop making mistakes. Even u do. I supposed. And lumrah manusia for having this pilih kasih. Even between a mother and her children. It's just so undeniable. Jangan pertikaikan kenapa qku tak begitu rapat with my paternal families. Cox dqh terang lagi bersuluh. They were never there for me. I assume they dun even know i exist. Haha. Even u did the same too. Your layanan towards me n my siblings with the other precious cousins are diff. Why? Because i'm not ur sister's daughter. I just happened to be ur b brother's daughter. Haix. Even if you were to be in ur precious lil nieces' partenal sides.. wouldnt it be the same.. totally the same. Why never say anything. Whatever kays. As long as you're happy. I'm happy too. And i couldn't thank enough for all the things that u did for us. And all the stuffs that u've given. Domo arigato gosaimasu. I appreciate. And sorrt for the harsh words used. May Allah bless us all. No matter what, we still have the same blood-ties that run in our veins. Ramadhan Kareem!

RAMADHAN

2010-08-13T02:48:00.003+02:00

Ramadhan Kareem people!!! and Allahu Akram (:
Ramadhan is finally here. huhhu.
i'm so happy to be able to celebrate this holy month with beloveds.
huhhu. and alhamdulillah..
got to perform terawih with atok.
i remebered my first terawih in mandara,alex-
i cried la. teringat atok. cox he used to be my permanent imam terawih
@ blk 121 bedok. huhhhu!

i kinda miss the ''happy'' and cheerful susasana of ramadhan in egypt.
best sangat sebenarnya. used to stay up very late.
chatting. fb-ing. and my ahli beit are all sounded asleep.
huhhu. bukan ape.. nnti terlepas sahur karang! huhhu.
and our daily popular sahur is nasi goreng.
hahah. saya rindu itu! huhhu~

'ala kulli haal. saya mengharapkan ramadhan kali ini,
lebih bermakna dari yang sebelumnya..

hoping for a change..

happy fasting people!! (:
kullu sanah wa antum toyyibuun (:

ALHAMDULILLAH

2010-08-03T16:44:00.003+03:00

Alhamdulillah.
suatu berita gembira yang tak pernah aku duga,
and sungguh aku tak sangka.
rezki dari Allah. DIA yg tentukan segalanya.
syukjur alhamdulillah..
usaha yg tak seberapa.. doa yang ada rongaknye..
alhamdulillah.. aku lulus! sofiyy!
alhamdulillah.. alhamdulillaah.. syukur tak terhinggga!

tapi disebalik tuh..
aku rasa aku lebih sedih dari gembira.
sedih.. bercampur terkilan. yang sangat sangat..
sahabat seperjuang yg aku cintai...
yang aku berjuang.. berusaha bersama..
aaahhh. T.T

korang.. walaopon nanti kita tak duduk sama mudarraj..
tak denga sama lecture.. tak attend sama tuition..
aku harap ukhuwwah kita berkekalan kays.
kerana aku sayangg kalian keranaNYA!
uhibbikunna fillah..

mai.. this is a new beginning for me and you.
let's do this together kays.
insyaAllah Allah bersama kitaa.

and to all my beloved family and friends.. and kenalan..
thank you so much for the doas and support.
May Allah bless you all.

and btw, ramadhan's almost here.
Ramadhan kareem people (:
psst. Allahu Akram (:

SENTOSA

2010-08-01T15:51:00.002+03:00

at last!! we planned this since last year. and got to do it this year. i had fun. i enjoyed it well. huhhu!
we had brunch at LJS before heading to sentos via sentosa express-after like 10-15 mins of pusing pusing tak jumpa booth sentosa. huhhhu!~
we bought two tix only. and went to cineplax and underwater world. budget la.
huhhhu. cineplax was total fun! we didnt expect it to be like that. cume sedey siket cox it was too short. sobxie! tapiiii bestt jugaaak! weee~
had lotsa fun. took lotsa pictures. and we laughed alot! haha!
most important is that i'm so happy to see markonah. that's all. huhhu!

OUTING

2010-07-29T18:38:00.002+03:00

just had a conference with mar, mai n nett. we were planning an outing to sentosa. yeayy. i just cant wait. tak sabarnyeee. getting more and more excited. insyaAllah dis time menjadi plixx. cox actually. i planned on going to sentosa wit konah last yr. but i wa sick. so x sempat. huhhu. insyaAllah jd kay. yeayyyy! *excited*

aniways, smorg dah kecoh about results. serram siket la. hoping for the bestest naa.
insyaAllah kheir kays. amiin, Ya Rabb. berilah kejayaan. sebaik2 kejayaan buat kami. amiin.

and. i really miss my lughah 1 frens. u guys are always in my prayers. insyaAllah. i hope the same too. hehe. fii amanillaah. (:

UPDATE

2010-07-28T08:59:00.003+03:00

salam peeeeps! so very the long never update! huhhu. all this while i'm just on mobile. huhhu. so it's a bit hard to post on mobile. that's why lor. huhhu.
nothing much to update. not attached to anything. anywhere. anyone. huhhu. mafish job leh!
so pokai-liao one already. but banyak betul reunion and gatherings to attend to. haila! mane mau koreks duit. haila!
herrm. my daily routine is to prepare shifaa. and send her off to school. si makcik kropok nie. and last time helped nenek kacau dodol. and yesterday helped her cook kentang ball la. huhhu. yummeh-licious!!
and ma bought me a HTC smart phone. hazaa min rizkillaaah. huhhhhhu. now can tweet and update status anywhere. yeayyy! alhamdulillah....
and yeah! actually there is so very the many things that happened here during my absence. so many dark secrets. problems. revealed. Allahu musta3aan. lindungilah keluargaku tersayang! (:

okkeh la! pssst. pssst. i miss enovel-ing! bila mau p KL pon tak tau. haila! nk borong novels manyak manyak.. yeayyyyy (:

HOME SWEET HOME

2010-07-13T07:07:00.001+03:00

i'm back!!!!
alhamdulilah. back in hometown! yeayyyyy!
kk. will update later la. lalalal!

UNTITLED-ROJAK

2010-07-05T02:03:00.003+03:00

oits. i didn't blog for quite a long time eh.
hehe. it's not that i'm busy or what uh.
just that i have nothing to blog.
cox my life is too boring to be shared.
cox after my exams ended. went shopping few times.
biasalah.. mansyia, khalid, mansyia, khalid. heh.
and if i don't go shop. just stay at home.
doing no other than watching movies. or dramas.
haix. what a life. can't wait to be back.

ouh ya! on the first of july.
some friends from cairo came to alex.
so i tour guided them. wit jannah and mai of cox.
we went to first first. get it? haha.
kk. went to kedai makan 'first', then to fathallah.
they performed their jama' qosor prayer and withdrew some cash.
and we took the red-double decker bus straight to qitbay.
there, we took a boat-ride. ok. best kay.
aku yang tak pernah pernah sea sick. tetiba mabok.
cox the ombak was. hmmmmm. and paisey-ed for my sitting position.
haila! next we jalan-jalan. tengok-tengok souvenirs.
and ate azza ic-cream! yummeh!
then we took horse-carriage-ride. and head to mansyia.
split to two groups. myself, kak bunga and abah(?)
we remained at mansyia. looked for kak bunga's niqab.
and the rest went to khalid.
last resort, went to kedai makan sobirin. near qitbay.
the food was yummeh. a seafood restaurant.
mahal gila boley! 1kg udang cost L.E 120 okkeh!
and we ordered 2 ikan. 2kg udang. 2 bowls of soup. 6 plates nasi.
what more eh?? some sotong. and i'm not sure how much they cost.
cox the baik-hati boys paid for us all. wee~ thanks korg.
and that was like 12+ am already. hehhe!
i had fun. hope they had fun too. (:

ouh ya! tomorrow kakchik,kakulf, and me. going cairo to shop.
hehe! may we have a safe journey. to and fro. amiin.

and i can't wait to be back in singapore.
masa.. cepatlah berlalu.
and saket hati ley! i'm getting fatter ley!
this shouldn't be happening. ouh man!

and and and. i'm so scared uh to be back.
i just couldn't imagine being separated again.
for the second time? sedey boley! alahai!

sesungguhnya saya sayang keluarga saya. muach!

p.s: just now went to kedai cemate and bought lenses.
and i checked my degree. hehe. sesungguhnya my degrees turon kays.
bagus uh. alhamdulillah. w/pon everyday mengadap laptop! hehhe!
tak sabar uh. nak pakai colored lens. baby blue ke. hahahah!

TAK SABAR

2010-07-01T01:43:00.003+03:00

rasanya. saya macam tak sabar gitu nak balik.
tak sabar gitu nk jejak kan kaki kat tanah air.
tak sabar gitu nak peluk orang orang tersayang.
tak sabar gitu nak salam parents and grandparents.
tak sabar gitu nak bagi bagi hadiah/souvenir kat mereka.
tak sabar gitu nak tengok rumah yang dah nak setahun kene tinggal.

dan sekarang pun saya tak sabar.
tak sabar gitu nak habis shopping.
tak sabar gitu nak habis pack luggage.
tak sabar gitu nak tunggu masa.
tak sabar gitu nak naik tremco pegi airport.
tak sabar gitu nak naik kapal terbang.

walau bagaimanapun.. saya tetap harus bersabar..

TIRED

2010-06-27T22:19:00.003+03:00

i'm so tired of all these.
planning a gathering.
making plans and stuffs.
when i eventually planned.
but for God's sake no response.
kalau nak cakap pasal AWSALA. harapan la.
my emails. my posts. never ever has a reply.
PENAT okay.
and i planned to have the alex batch 09/10.
another harapan kay. satu dah tercampak jauh kat cairo.
lagi satu senyap.
lagi dua.. entah la.
it's not that aku lambat,
siang2 dah post. pemberitahuan.
so now what? kata nak bersatu?
harapan la. kalau a mini gathering pun susah.
nak kumpul pun susah. penat penat penat.
i'm really grateful to have kakchik and kak ulfa.
cox they never failed to make me happy.
and aku alhamdulillah tak rasa sunyi pon,
without a same-age-friend in the house.
thank God for having them.
and ni plak. dah penat2 plan.
for year 1 lugah jalan2.
den ramai tak ley.
bukan nak bilang siang2 tau.
aaarg! penat kay.
irritated pun ade,
I GIVE UP!
tak nak layan ni sume lagi.
nak jadi ape.. jadilah!
I GAVE UP!

MATROUH

2010-06-25T12:39:00.005+03:00

just woke up from a tiring day yesterday.
but it was super best.
matrouh was so so so cool and great.
the 3ajeeb beach. the cleopatra bath.
was so so so so nice. masyaAllah.
the matrouh beach was a bit dirty.
but we had super fun.
becox the current was strong.
so we were tarik and tolak by tides and waves.
weeeee~
really really had fun. masyaAllah.
i really wish that one day,
my family too will come and see this.
it was super duper great!
i love matrouh!

MERDEKA

2010-06-21T16:27:00.004+03:00

yeayy! alhamdulillah. exam is finally over.
syafawi was great! alhamdulillah.
was asked 3 questions on Quraan, alhamdulillah.
and a question each on nahu n balaghah.
and again, alhamdulillah.
never imagined that it was very okay.
may be just luck. and rahmah n syafaqah minnaALlah.

btw, lughah 1's gonna have a mini gathering.
cool pe! can't wait for tomorrow.
it'll be a surprise. not sure exactly the destination.
but surely insyaAllah gonna have lots of fun.
since they said and asked to wear seluar.
yeay! cool pe!

insyaAllah will take lots of pictures.

lastly, to my bff or ssm mai,
happy 20th birthday!
sesungguhnya aku sayang kao!

2010-06-19T20:01:00.004+03:00

alhamdulillah. english was very okay.
now. i have to focus on syafawi.
i've been trying away from lappy.
but i just can't. astaghfirullah.
why ehk. kenapa benda2 laghah cam nie,
very hard to get away!
haix, rabbuna yusahhil. amiin.

bye laptop la kay!
bye for now!

ganbatte-ness for now mesti teruss!

I LOVE EGYPT

2010-06-18T20:17:00.004+03:00

i have english paper tomorrow.they said english is easy. chicken.but it's kinda hard. and weird memorising 30 lines of essay. 15 answers to an unseen text. it's funny. but i guess. this is just an experience. where else can we experience all this if its not in egypt. teehee. i find this quite cute. and i have trouble memorising them. haha! cox i've never memorise an essay before. all this while. kalau hafal pun. arabic-based texts. but not english. teehee.lucu lucu. but i'm loving it! i love egypt. teehee. btw can't wait to end exam. asap plix. this coiming 21st insyaAllah, the sooner the better. so i can relax earlier. weeee~ and spend my hols earlier than my kakaks. wee! can't wait to go jalan jalan. shopping. mandi laut la abeyy! yeayyyyyy! (:

TOUR

2010-06-17T11:41:00.003+03:00

yesterday was great. i had fun. even though i was a bit awkward at first. but i managed. teehee. kata nurush. pemarah. oops! peramah! hahahha. alhamdulillah. makcik makcik gerek. they can accept me la. i can accept them too. ada makcik ni lagi volunteer nak jadi mak for the day. teeehee. tu cik ida~! so total. 1 nenek nda. 3 makciks. 2 married kakak. 2 unmarried kakaks. 2 pakciks. 4 kiddos. 2 ust. 1 tour guide pattani. and an ammu driver (included??haha) it was great. serious. met them at Qait Bay-Qal'ah. back them i was with kak yana. but when we reached Maqamats. kak yana decided to go home. but instead. i decided to stay. luckily, i was there (ahuk ahuk) cox i brought them to the sayyidat's side. toilet. nak solat and stuffs. and i kinda explain to them. sikit sebanyak la. not a pro kan. so cakap ape yang tau je la! hahhahahh. them we talked a lot. they asked me this and that. and the funniest part was when a makcik asked for my full name since i said my name 'shahidah'. so then that makcik went-- oooh! ni yang nama dia ada double 'sh' eh. yang kat brochure ustad tu eh! iye. hahahhaah. jadi popular kejab. haha. and ustad pon. haa, anti dah jadi popular tau. jd spokesperson kita. smlm je ana da distribute thousand copies of the brochure. then i went: ouh. haha. tp spelling nama ana dah betul belom.? and he replied. belom. adeiii! saket kay hati! adusss! ustad.. ustad.. hhahaha! tak banyak tempat covered. cox masa suntuk and all. cox makcik makcik kan. jalan pon slow. hmmm. so after maqamats. kita singgah library. wit guided tour. cool~ banyak rupanya yang aku tak tau pasal library alex ni. hahaah! kk. cool~ next kita pergi makan kat hadra maut-miami. tunggu makanan siap je berjam jam lamanya! adeiii~ tuh yang buat lambat jugak. next supposed to be montaza. but cuaca dah gelap. dah magreb pon. so montaza canceled. and lagi satu sakit hati. ustad never tell me that dorg tak jadi pi montaza. selamat i was quick. call and ask ustad. (yer. satu bus call ustad pe) so terpaksa turun uh. since dorang nak pusing and balik cairo. if not. tak pasal2 aku balik cairo! haahahh! exam beb.. exam.. hahah! so a bit rushing bila nak turun. sedey cox tak dapat salam semua. and tak dapat bid farewell betul betul. and main cakap je merepek2. and bende yang supposed kene cakap tak dapat cakap. so terkilan jugak. so. i'm here to say : (w/pun they never know)

"thank you all. for accepting me in the group. walaupun kita hanya kenal sekejab je. tapi kenangan manis tu insyaAllah akan berkekalan. terima kasih semua atas segalanya. halalkan makan minum sepanjang trip nie (makan free kay). salah silap harap maafkan. andai shahidah tak layan dengan sempurna or anything. but i'm happy to have known you all. terma kasih. safar saeed. have a safe journey. enjoy your trip here in egypt. andai ada jodoh lagi. insyaAllah kita akan bertemu lagi. biiznillah. sayang semua~ (mcm paham- tp betol lah!)"

ok. that's all. happy jugak dapat jumpa ustad. walaupon action tahap gaban punyeeee! and nurush paham ustad bz layan tour nie. paham. tapi ustad action jugak! hahah. thank you ustad for the treat! hekhekhek (:

PENAT

2010-06-15T01:35:00.002+03:00

kinda tired this few days.
with exams. hafalans. writing. notes.
but that's normal fer a student what!
hahahahhahahaha.
and my diarrhea is back!
not sure. if its good fer me. or not.
cox i kinda asked fer it.
hekhekhekhek.
but no pain no gain what!
so bear with it la.
weee~

btw. oral will be on 21st June 2010.
wow. kinda fast. and my Quran? diam je.
ouh no! aft balaghah nak kena start over again.
ganbatte-ness tak mau ilang dulu kay!
jia you nurush!!!!! (:

T.E.R.E.N.C.A.T

2010-06-14T00:17:00.002+03:00

TERENCAT. not about terencat akal ke apa.
but terencat kejab uh. haha.
i posted about ust hamzah on my wall(facebook)
then kak atiqah aniq commented.
she said that they'll reach tomorrow.
then i said. i had just chatted wit ustad on the phone.
takkan nak bedek. den she said her husband pon ada.
and i went TERENCAT. takut sendiri la abey!
mana tau suami de nak bagi surprise ke hape ke.
oh-emm-gee. takot okay.
takot gila gila punye. aisey.
i called kak yana aim fer confirmation.
she said ustad first batch.
besok another batch. phewww!
lega kay dada. tak takot lagi uh.
tapi tadi tak bedek. takot gila mia!
and hehe. kak atiqah tros tak comment.
ma3lish la kak. nurush tau kak tak sabar nak jumpa suami terchenta.

and yeay. excited kay. tadi dapat berbual ngan ustad.
rindu gila boleh ngan ustad.
tak sabar rasanye nak jumpa 16 ni. insyaAllah.
kalau ustad hasan ada lagi best uh (i've said this many3 times.heh)
ok. sudden excitement!
hehe. balaghah kasi jalan dulu kay nurushhh! (:

MACAM MACAM excited

2010-06-13T13:56:00.002+03:00

lagi berapa hari dah nak balik singapore.
dah boleh kira pakai jari dah.
jari nurush. jari kak ulfa. jari kak cik.
lebih dari cukup untuk menghitung hari hari.
tak sabar rasanya. nak balik singapore.
apa agaknya perasaan bila jejakkan kaki kembali.
sedih ke. happy ke. entah lah.
unsure, can't imagine. tapi macam la tak pernah.
tapi lain la. last time pergi dubai pun 2 weeks je.
ni nak dekat setahun kay. adalah 11 setengah bulan.
hekhekhek. *excited*
tak sabar nyeeeeeeeeee.

tapi sekarang.
kenek tumpukan pada exam dulu la.
lagi dua paper. plus syafawi.
ganbatte habis habis an dulu okkeh!
lepas tu dah boleh pergi shopping.
mandi laut sepuas puas nye..
bestnye.. tak sabar kay!
hekhekhek. *excitedlagi*

alhamdulillah.
semalam telan panadol extra dua biji.
perut dah tak meragam sangat.
hopefully tak meragam lagi okkeh.
kerana saya perlukan ketenangan jiwa dan otak.
specially for balaghah.
hekhekhek. *excitedteruss*

2010-06-12T17:35:00.003+03:00

alhamdulillah. just two more papers to go.
balaghah on the 16th. and english on the 19th.
up next syafawi. still unsure when exactly. hmm.

i had nahu paper just now. not sure what i did.
how i did, cox i was in the middle of stomachache la.
sobx sobx. ape lah nasib.

can't wait to see ust hamzah okay.
rindu sae. dengan orang orang singapore.
kalau ustad hasan ada pon gerek!

pain pain pain. go away la......

`` n . u . r . u . s . h . h

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feeling feeling macam paham :P part 2

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MACAM MACAM excited